I am awake due to unforeseen circumstances.
I had to take that two hour nap this afternoon. If you read my earlier post then you know I was having a crap day.
I didn’t feel well and was just having a breakdown kind of day.
Anyway, nap helped that but it is also keeping me awake now. It’s infuriating because I feel tired and because I have three appointments tomorrow I need to be human for.
Just frustrated I guess.
I at least got the nausea to take a back seat. That is helpful. Now if my brain would shut up, I’d be all set.
Trigger warning from here on out for some eating disorder discussion…
So I have lost like 13-15 lbs over the last three weeks because I’ve been so ill, and my eating disorder is in its glory over that.
I ate a little dinner tonight, and in fairness, since I vomited involuntarily earlier in the day, I think it was reasonable not to push it. It just meant that I was hungry at midnight.
Raiding the cupboards I couldn’t stop myself from considering the “lowest calorie option” for feeding myself something without really adding anymore calories to my day.
I settled on a small can on green beans.
Whatever. Drain them and they are a finger food.
I know I am not going down a good path and I told my dietican that things were already a problem, so she’s having me log/journal again where she can keep track of me, but it is so seductive.
My clothes look better.
I feel better and more confident in my skin.
Just lots of things.
I really need to work on this in therapy, but there are so many things to talk about.
The hospital stay for this latest round of pancreatitis was terrible.
I can NEVER spend three weeks in the hospital again and it will be too soon.
Things are just spinning out.
And then they are not.
I don’t know.
I do know I need some freaking sleep.
2 thoughts on “Insomnia!!!!!”
sorry your ED is so bad again!
I hope your dietician can help you and that you will be able to get it under control. X
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It’s sort of like in transition right now…