Accept

I'm seriously trying to be zen about everything going on in my life. I am. However, I will never look like the woman in this photo. Not only would I face plant trying to do something like that, I've never been that calm in my life. Not even when sleeping. I'm trying to use my …

First!

I did my first painting! My mom says it is "weird." Whatever. I haven't played with acrylics really before, (except for one wine and canvass type thing), and I think it turned out pretty cool. It was good for me. I have nine more canvasses to play with. I also learned about paint and how …

Pulled

I'm having a rough morning. I feel pulled in 26 directions and I can't be everywhere I want to be today. I have a friend who needs me and I can't be there for her. My cousin's oldest needs some help today and I can't help with that today either. I am going with my …

Booked

I went to my support group... for a hot second. I didn't really want to participate in the large group tonight because the topic was really, "what should we do for topics in the future?" and I was experiencing ridiculous anxiety so sitting through that wasn't exactly going to distract me. I brought my journal …

Blow

You guys, I actually blow dried my hair today! Who knew that was a thing? I never do that. It looks a lot better than when I let it air dry and it's all stringy. Just another form of self care I suppose. It doesn't look as nice as when my stylist does it, but …

Bumble

I'm just busy like a little bumble bee. I kind of don't want to be. I slept like crap. Nightmares and the whole bit. I kept waking up. My car is a disgusting mess. I have an appointment today. I have to pick up my stepdad from the car dealership since he has to get …

Yay!

I did it! I finished the orientation thingie for grad school! Yay!!!!!!!!! It was a simple thing, but it was a hurdle. I got it done. There's so much going on and I got it done. It's not great. It wasn't probably my best work, although I'm not sure how I would have honestly answered …

Vodka…

...and some nights you just need cheap vodka. I never really drink, so whatever, but tonight I just did. One drink. Okay, it was probably more like two since I poured it, but again, whatever. I didn't go to the bar and get smashed, which is what I want to do. I have church tomorrow, …

Painting

I decided, since I'm sad, that I'm going to try painting. I got an acrylic paint set and some canvases and I'm going to see what kind of mess I can make. I am not okay. The depression is overwhelming. It's partly due to my own decisions and partly due to my brain. I am …

Quiet

When it's silent around me, I go crazy. I hate it when I'm by myself and there's no hubbub happening. I can't think. When I was an undergrad, I lived alone much of the time, but the television was always on for noise, or I was simply not there. I studied most frequently in the …