So I ate.

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ I ate steak that was leftover from dinner last night. I kind of thought it would be okay. Oops. Purged that. I have been doing that a lot this week. It started with this tiny bit of ice cream last Friday, and it’s been pretty much every dinner since …

Checked into it…

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ So I called the research program that my dietican wanted me to call. I am “not a good fit” for their research. I figured. Who wants a fat girl triggering all of the really dangerously thin people? No one. I feel disgusting. I am so triggered right now. I …

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…

Sitting on the back deck enjoying the shade and the sunshine. There are big white puffy clouds rolling by and a nice warm breeze. It’s supposed to storm tonight though, and I’m not the biggest fan of thunderstorms, so I’m not looking forward to that. I successfully moved my appointment from today to next week, …

Feeling better!

Hallelujah I woke up feeling human today! I also didn’t sleep past noon! (It’s actually before ten!) I am so happy. Yesterday, I had to take the kitchen sink of nausea meds just to be able to rest. I feel much better today. I will probably still let my stomach rest a bit, but it’s …

Ugh…

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ My parents are making a big steak dinner on the grill for Memorial Day. I am not excited. Not only do I feel awful, but I am not enthusiastic about eating it just on a eating disorder basis. I mean, it will be a relatively healthy meal with fresh …

I have to admit it…

… I’ve been fighting it for a couple of days now. I think I’m sick. I took a Covid test to make sure it wasn’t that, and it was negative, but I still feel like trash. I’m so tired and my stomach is a mess. I tried to eat a hard boiled egg for breakfast, …

Anxious about tomorrow

I am part of a medical study at my old university and I think I might have to sit in an MRI tomorrow. I generally hate them on a regular basis because I am so claustrophobic, but I I’m pretty sure I will really hate it with my eyes open doing tasks. I don’t know …

Attack of the expiration date!

We made a shrimp boil last night and both of my parents were sick all night. They dipped their food in butter, (which I’m sure was tasty for them, but not something I’m willing to do because of ED), so I missed out on the horror. My stepdad never checks expiration dates. Ever. I always …

I just want to sleep

I’m so tired. I got way too much sun at that memorial thing. It wasn’t super hot, but it doesn’t take much for me to overheat. I drank a ton of water too. It just wore me out. Also, it was stressful because of who came and trying to manage that and keep things relatively …

Five years!!!!!

I can’t believe I have had this blog for five years!!!! Five years of rambling and wandering. Thanks for joining me on the ride whether you are new here or old. I love you all!!!