Snowy

That's a fair representation of what it looked like outside when I went to smoke this morning. Holy snow globe Batman! Winter is back! Honestly, it's just in time really. If we couldn't have a white Christmas, a white New Years Eve will work. I'm going to an arts festival with a friend from church, …

Fan

I absolutely cannot sleep without some kind of white noise in the background. Usually it's provided by a fan of some sort. Without noise, my mind seems to really wander and I can't shut it off. The white noise seems to give my brain something to "attach" to and let me rest. I wish there …

Entry

I put this in my journal at least a year ago. I saw it in my images today and I thought it was appropriate. I am great at building walls and compartmentalizing things, but it keeps me from fully experiencing the best parts of my life. I forget to stop and embrace the joyful moments. …

Questioning…

I really enjoy church. That said, I'm not sure I get it. I mean, I understand Christ died for my sins. I accept that, but I'm not sure I really get it. I say that because there are so many people at church who are filled with the joy of Christ's love and the surety …

Nowhere…

I'm in this in between space. Essentially limbo. With everything. I don't know what's happening with anything and I feel completely out of control. I thought certain parts of my life were nailed down, but even those seem tenuous for some reason not really of my own choosing. I am spinning. I'm trying to reconcile …

Technology

I was just sitting in a room where every person except me was staring at a screen of some kind. That didn't even include a television. No one was speaking to one another and I tried to sleep in order to not feel so alone... in a room full of people. Honestly. It's not my …

Holidaaaayed

I am over Christmas. It was nice to spend time with my family and I'm still kind of relishing in that, but I am done with the massive cooking and cleaning and shopping and wrapping and going places. Overall, I guess I survived Christmas pretty well. In fairness, I passed out shortly after cleaning up …

Chapter

So this is 40 (no Christmas is not my birthday, but it's passed and now I'm 40). I've decided that this chapter of my life is going to be better than the last. There are some bumpy things coming up, and I'm absolutely terrified, but I guess that's just the way life is. Terrifying. I …

Christmas

The table is set and now just the massive cooking of the feast remains. We opened gifts yesterday since there is so much to do today, and that was fun. It's fun to see other people's faces when they open the things that they receive. I am responsible for the turkey this year and I …

Birthdays

We are celebrating my birthday this weekend! I'm turning 40, and I'm trying to be okay with that, but I'm a little scared. I feel like this is another step of adulthood and I don't really feel like a full adult. I'm excited to celebrate it though. We are going to a really nice hotel …