Giving up fear…

Choosing to clean may look like an weird way to express giving up fear, but hear me out. My bedroom has been a disaster area for a year. At least. For that year, I have been in and out of the hospital more times than I can count with pancreatitis. It’s gotten so bad that …

Woo hoo!

Yay for self care! I got in the shower and I shaved my legs! If you don’t do that, let me tell you what happens when you don’t keep up on that even a little bit. It becomes a huge chore. Like an extra twenty minutes in the shower kind of chore. I thought I …

I found some

I was looking for motivation to get moving today. I got a hold of a friend and we are going to hang out later today at their house. It will be low key and I won’t have to really do anything. Thankfully. I do have to take a shower before I go over there though, …

Need motivation

I have been living on bananas and Honey Nut Cheerios without milk. I have no energy and I feel awful. I desperately need a shower and to do some self care things that have been lacking. Maybe paint my nails or something. I just feel yucky. My lovely friend who lives in North Carolina sent …

I am not going

My doctor is, of course, out of the office this week, and I am still sicker than a dog. I tried to send her a message today and that is how I found out. I am not going back to the emergency room, so I guess I will suck it up and just be sick …

Trying…

I have been crying all morning. I have no idea how to manage pancreatitis at home. I woke up dry heaving and feeling terrible. I don’t feel terrible “enough” to go back to the emergency room I guess, but I feel pretty awful. I am freezing, but I don’t have a fever. I am running …

A 13 hour odyssey…

I ended up going to the emergency room after I got my labs back, and not only did I wait eight hours, but I sat in that waiting room for ten and a half total hours before I was brought to the back. For real. I’m not sure, but the doctor suspected that the triage …

Therapy and Psych day!

Today is the day! Usually, I see my therapist on Friday, but she had a conflict, and I moved my psych appointment from next month to this month. I am really happy it’s today. I already saw my therapist and she was awesome in helping me process my feelings of sadness, anger and fear about …

Angry and sad

I am not in the hospital right now, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be there tomorrow. I have no idea what sets off these pancreatic attacks and why I keep ending up in the hospital. The last time was the third or fourth time this year. I’ve lost track now. I just know that …

Sleep bank

I know there is allegedly no such thing as a “sleep bank”- meaning that I can’t sleep a bunch one night and then not sleep the next and still count myself as rested. I still operate that way though. I didn’t sleep very much last night, but I slept a ton the night before. I …