I'm sitting on the fence today on whether I want to be productive, or whether I just want to wallow in this miserable mood I find myself in. There are definitely things I should be doing. I kind of don't want to. I know I will feel better if I do them. I really kind … Continue reading Fence


I had nightmares last night and woke up hysterical. It took me a solid hour to calm down. I am not really a fan. I can't tell you all that I dreamed about at this point, thankfully I have forgotten most of it, I just know they were bad and scared me. I hate when … Continue reading Nightmares


I've been quiet for a couple of days which I know is not the best idea for a blogger. My great-aunt passed away and it made me miss my grandma even more than usual. Tomorrow also would have been one of my best friend's 60th birthday. He died, for those who don't know, of a … Continue reading Quiet…


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall... Feeling like that proverbial egg this morning. Actually, I've been feeling like him a lot lately. ...And all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Humpty together again. I just can't seem to get my crap in gear. I am super worried about trying to get … Continue reading Pieces


It's fall and there are leaves everywhere! I saw a meme about how trees drop their leaves and go through cycles of rebirth and so do we and I thought it was poetic. My case manager has me set for graduation from case management sometime in the spring and I hope I'm ready. I'm really … Continue reading Leaves!


So my CT was clear. That's a good thing. The only frustrating thing is that I don't have a clear reason as to why I'm in so much pain. Right now I just look like I'm making it up. Awesome. I'm not, and it's not in my head. I've had pain intermittently in the same … Continue reading Clear


I am beyond tired. I am also having an impossible time falling asleep. I think I'm anxious about therapy tomorrow. I don't know why. I like her. I don't know what my problem is. I mean, maybe it's because I feel woefully unprepared. I haven't worked in the workbook we stared working on for a … Continue reading Paradox


I saw my primary care today and he doesn't know what's making me sick either. He said my lab tests are showing some inflammation and he ordered a ct scan so maybe that will show something. Meanwhile, I guess maybe being sick explains some of my depression issues as of late. I usually struggle with … Continue reading Knowing


I am so tired. I don't know what's wrong with me. Neither does the ER. Actually, they said it's gastritis, but I'm almost 100% certain that's because they couldn't figure out what it is. I have wicked pain in my upper side that is super annoying. And then there is the flat out exhaustion. They … Continue reading Exhausted