Many?

Content warning ⚠️ How many panic attacks can you have in one day? I think I’m going for some kind of record, or I’m just having one continuous one... not sure. This completely sucks. I would use stronger language, but I try not to on my blog, so just use your imagination... I am completely …

Towel.

I was trying to write a poem this morning for something different, but I couldn’t get it out. I am so tired. My brain is also so busy. I dreamt all night long. Weird and vivid dreams that made no sense. I don’t understand why I have so much anxiety. I mean, clearly school is …

Four.

I’m up at 4 A.M. this time. I’m not happy. There’s nothing to do at 4 am. Seriously. If I turn on the news, it’s all going to be about the stupid debate last night that I deliberately did not watch. I didn’t watch it because it’s just two angry people yelling at each other …

Humming.

My brain is constantly buzzing. I can’t get it to stop. It’s the worst kind of racing thoughts. They just fly by and nothing I do makes them abate. Not even music, which is my usual go-to, is helping. Racing thoughts are the kind of thing that make me feel “crazy.” Like I’ve lost it. …

Sooner.

I was supposed to see my psych in just over two weeks, but that seemed too late given everything going on, so I got a sooner appointment. Now I see her on Thursday. Thank God. Seriously. I don’t know what she can do really. I mean, maybe she can help me with this anxiety or …

Late.

Well, it’s late, but it’s turned in. I’m hoping my professor doesn’t knock my grade too much for the late thing. I mean, she shouldn’t since I have accommodations, but then, I mean... I dunno. Whatever. I have to 3.0 her class. It’s like the minimum in grad school. Mostly, I’m just trying to survive. …

Desperate.

It’s 4:22 am, and if I can’t get back to sleep, today is going to be miserable. I am exhausted. I am so tired of not being able to sleep in or rest or nap or fall asleep early enough. I’m just desperate for some quality sleep. It’s a real problem. It’s affecting my mood, …

Planner.

I got this planner at Barnes and Noble the other day. I liked it because not only does it have the month laid out, it also does it by week. On the week part, it has these little places to put things like sleep, exercise, water intake, and downtime. I just really liked it. My …

Dumb.

I spent tonight in the emergency room. I seriously thought I had pancreatitis again. My side hurt, I was nauseated and vomiting, (let me tell you how fun vomiting in those blue bags are in the middle of covid season in the ER waiting room..), and I felt generally terrible. I made my friend take …

Band…

And the band keeps marching on... I’m a one hit wonder these days. I apologize. Gee, I wonder what her blog will be about today? Could it be that she’s so anxious she’s climbing walls? Possibly. Could it be devastating depression? Likely. I am so bored with myself, it’s unreal. I don’t have anywhere else …