Two days….

I have two days until I see my psych. I have no idea what she will want to do, if anything, to my meds. Last time was a total and complete disaster. Maybe I should ask her to leave them alone, and just work on my issues in therapy, but I’m not sure if it’s …

And… apparently not??

I ended up back in the emergency room last night because I followed the doctor’s directions and went back. I was also afraid to go to sleep with my heart rate that low after everything the first doctor had said. So…I went back in and dealt with the circus AGAIN for almost four hours waiting …

This soon???

Trigger warning ⚠️ for discussion of eating disorder ⚠️ So I ended up in the emergency room again because my pulse was under fifty. I told the doctor this time that I had an eating disorder and that changed the whole game. He ran a bunch of labs (all normal), to check my electrolytes and …

Therapy again today…

I have therapy twice this week because things suck. I am just trying to hold onto the tiny bit of sanity I have left. Honestly. Yesterday and today have not been as bad as earlier in the week, so I guess that is a blessing. I was white knuckling it there for a bit. I’m …

Talking with my mom

I adore my mom. I have to say that first. The thing is, I don’t talk about “things” with her because she doesn’t get it. She wants to know what I’ve been talking about in therapy and first, I feel like trying to explain that to her would go over her head, and second, she …

Dietican again today…

…and I don’t know what to say to her. My food logs kind of say everything. I’ve been on the strugglebus. I am not going to discuss how much weight I’ve lost this month+ because I don’t want to trigger anyone, but it’s been kind of scary. I am not sure I want it to …

I get to go to the bookstore!

Mom wants a new book. She gave me the title or whatever so I get to pick out things for me too! I get lost in there exploring. Usually anyway. I mean, sometimes I get overwhelmed and that is no fun, but I think I’ll be okay today. I’m in a bookstore kind of mood. …

Self preservation

I think it’s better if I sleep. I have an appointment with my dietican later that I have to be awake for, (obviously), but otherwise, I just think it’s better if I’m not awake. Anxiety and depression are ridiculous and my tools for dealing with those don’t seem to be working very well. I drank …

I needed that

I finally fell asleep yesterday at around six in the evening and woke up take my meds at some point before midnight and promptly fell back asleep. It’s 8:30 in the morning here and I’m just getting moving. I really needed to just rest. I would do more of that today but it’s housekeeping day, …

This always happens…

I lay down and try to take a nap and two hours later I’m still laying here. Not sleeping. Now it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and it’s kind of late to take one now. I’d be up all night. I definitely don’t want that. I decided I am just going to lay here. I don’t …