New doctor!!

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ I really love my new primary care doctor. She was so nice! Like awesome. I am a huge fan. That went really well and she listened to me and told me to put my scale away etc. It was good. I am happy with her. I had to get …

Well, I slept like crap

I am so anxious about meeting with my dietican today. I am pretty sure my therapist and her have had some kind of conversation. Maybe not. I don’t freaking know. I gave them each others’ numbers and I’m almost certain they have releases for each other so… I just don’t know what kind of decision …

I feel absolutely gross

Trigger warning ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ Last week, my professor spent time in class talking about a colleague who had to “overcome” his issues with dealing with “fat people.” It was awesome. This week, we had to discuss all of the various aspects of wellness, and we spent an inordinate amount of time on physical …

Seriously? How humiliating!

Okay. So. I went to a fair thing in my town to help out a person that I know with her booth. The freaking chair I sat it broke underneath me! Like totally collapsed! It was a hybrid plastic/metal folding chair and it just broke, but seriously? I know I’m fat, but I’m 25lbs lighter …

Oof! Too much dinner!

My stepdad cooked my mom a steak and him and me salmon on the grill. It was very tasty, but I am way too full! I cooked zucchini and squash in a pan with garlic and butter and mom had made a pasta salad earlier. I also made a dill sauce. I think my stepdad …

Scored a nap

Still feel like I got ran over by a truck. I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to feel better. I’m just toast. Depression is a problem for sure. I wish I could just “get over it” or whatever. I am not feeling super up to anything at the moment. It’s a …

I scream you scream

I seriously couldn’t stand it. I needed comfort food. I ate ice cream for dinner. I have been eating like total crap since Thursday. I am terrified to weigh myself. I have no idea how much weight I’ve gained. I guess it doesn’t matter in the end. I had to cope somehow. I wouldn’t have …

Woke up stressing…

Trigger warning for discussion of eating disorder. I barely put any creamer in my coffee and I made some hard boiled eggs so I’d have a healthy choice to eat. My friend then said, “I’ll make muffins for breakfast!” I’m literally dying. Don’t get me wrong, they sound good, but I just feel like I …

Day 84

It's another car maintenance day. I got my tires rotated this morning, so my car is like a brand new vehicle! (Or as new as a 20 year old car can feel). I'm pretty boring otherwise. I have been pretty good about keeping up with my laundry and cleaning, although my space is still looking …

Day 53

...that pretty much sums it up, although she said she was thinking about permitting gatherings of less than ten by the end of the month, so there's hope. I am staring down the kitchen still, (I did get the sink cleaned out and the dishwasher emptied out), and I still have to get into the …