Smoothies!

I would show you an actual picture of mine, but frankly, it was not anywhere near as pretty as this one. Ha! Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder content!! ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ I mixed nonfat Greek yogurt, skim milk (I used to do almond milk when I was in the throes of my ED, but …

Just a day

It’s a day like any other I guess. The only real difference is I’m laying here crying and afraid. I don’t know what I’m going to do about this pancreatitis thing. I’m terrified. I literally can’t eat without being in pain and sometimes being in pain so bad that I just can’t take it. I …

I made it through dinner

We had salmon, potatoes and green beans. It was okay, but I’m still just frustrated that I have to take these enzymes all through my meals. I can’t tell that they are making any difference at all, and the side effects are unpleasant. I am constantly in pain now. It doesn’t matter how much I …

Kind of having a bad day

Okay. So. I’ve been sick for two months pretty much. I’m tired. It’s played out. I know I’m supposed to be the “good little soldier” and no one likes to see sick people complain. WELL GUESS WHAT? I’m complaining. I have this STUPID med that I have to take throughout every meal that tastes awful …

It just keeps getting more interesting…

Hospital socks, an iv and a bracelet… where could I be?? That’s right! The emergency room! Waiting for the hospitalalist team to come admit me. I feel disgusting. Mom is blaming it on me and “eating too much thanksgiving.” I’m trying SO HARD for that not to be an eating disorder trigger. SO HARD. Also, …

Let the coordination commence!

I suspect the medical team here in the hospital is going to want me out of here today. I can’t say as I blame them, but I mean I still can barely eat and I still have some wicked pain. The pain is improving though. Significantly actually, so that is great. I am supposed to …

New doctor!!

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ I really love my new primary care doctor. She was so nice! Like awesome. I am a huge fan. That went really well and she listened to me and told me to put my scale away etc. It was good. I am happy with her. I had to get …

Well, I slept like crap

I am so anxious about meeting with my dietican today. I am pretty sure my therapist and her have had some kind of conversation. Maybe not. I don’t freaking know. I gave them each others’ numbers and I’m almost certain they have releases for each other so… I just don’t know what kind of decision …

I feel absolutely gross

Trigger warning ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ Last week, my professor spent time in class talking about a colleague who had to “overcome” his issues with dealing with “fat people.” It was awesome. This week, we had to discuss all of the various aspects of wellness, and we spent an inordinate amount of time on physical …

Seriously? How humiliating!

Okay. So. I went to a fair thing in my town to help out a person that I know with her booth. The freaking chair I sat it broke underneath me! Like totally collapsed! It was a hybrid plastic/metal folding chair and it just broke, but seriously? I know I’m fat, but I’m 25lbs lighter …