Storms

We were supposed to get a bunch of nasty weather today.  It never really came.  The air is thick and heavy and there is something electric about the atmosphere, but the storms have missed my area. At least so far. There was some anticipation leading up to this, as I am somewhat afraid of storms …

Update #1

Just a short update. I finally got some sleep. I fell asleep at 1am, woke up at 5:30am and somehow managed to get back to sleep. It took a half hour, but it did it. So I was asleep again until 8. So nice. This morning however I am instantly in a depressive funk. Tears, desperately …

Veritas

Veritas means truth in Latin. I suspect that I have some pressing issues with what is true and what isn't, along with longer term issues about longer held beliefs and how those need to change. In this moment however, I am really focused on the pressing ones. I am not sure I can trust my …

Badpolar

I wrote in Switches about how I was suddenly having mini depressive episodes inside of this mixed thing. Guess what? This morning I got to have a manic episode. So awesome.  So much more destructive.  I started just wanting to get my cousin a simple little cake for her birthday.  When I couldn't get what I wanted, …

Switches

I honestly don't exactly understand what is happening with my mood situation at the moment. I am having odd mini-episodes within the current one that I can't explain. Maybe they are just part of it? Maybe they are just my brain trying to calibrate? I'm not sure. I've had depression set in overnight, where I …

Afternoon

There is something wicked about the time between 3 and about 7pm. Apparently it has been this way since I was a small child. My energy tanks and I guess I used to become very difficult. Now, especially if I am episodic, it's my "crash" time. It's 5:15 p.m., right in the heart of that …

Trust

In my post, Confrontation, I described an interaction with a social worker and how it failed partly because of my trust issues. That social worker really did have the best of intentions and she did actually help me figure some things out, just not the things she was focused on. I realized how profoundly global my …

Confrontation

This morning was an interesting one. The same social worker that inspired my Systems post on Friday, came again this morning. We did not have a better interaction today. It's somewhat baffling to me because over the weekend I had great interactions with the staff that came out. I suspect they had significantly more experience than the …

Adulting

I thought "adulting" meant that I was not allowed to acknowledge that things from my childhood have dramatically affected me. I think that is actually what being a full adult is: understanding all of the parts of yourself that you can and why they are there and attempting to change the ones that hurt you …

Tylenol

I have a nasty headache today. This is not especially abnormal for me given that I get fairly frequent migraines (although they have been less bad lately), and I even have my very own headache specialist neurologist that I have to travel an hour to go see every few months. The bad part is that …