New doctor!!

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ I really love my new primary care doctor. She was so nice! Like awesome. I am a huge fan. That went really well and she listened to me and told me to put my scale away etc. It was good. I am happy with her. I had to get …

It’s a beautiful morning!

I’m on the deck again drinking coffee. I managed to get back to sleep at 4:30 this morning and sleep until 9:00. That was much better. They’ve upgraded my area’s chance for severe weather as of this morning, and I’m super anxious about it. I hate storms. Otherwise, today’s shaping up to be a great …

Five

That’s how many hours of sleep I got. I woke up at 3:30 this morning, after fighting the clock for an hour, and finally decided to give up and just stay up. I am tired, but not sleepy. I think a few things conspired to make this happen. One, I drank more caffeine yesterday than …

Well, I slept like crap

I am so anxious about meeting with my dietican today. I am pretty sure my therapist and her have had some kind of conversation. Maybe not. I don’t freaking know. I gave them each others’ numbers and I’m almost certain they have releases for each other so… I just don’t know what kind of decision …

Questionable today…

I woke up tired. I hate that. I had dreams all night long because I’m really anxious about therapy today. Not only do I have to eat something triggering with her, I also have to talk to her about how I am afraid to call coaching now. I know one of her staff from a …

Experiments with jello!

I tried to eat solid food for the first time since Wednesday morning. Oops!!!!! This particular experiment failed. I just cannot tolerate them as of yet. It’s going to be a problem down the road. I’m seriously frustrated with the word “diabetes” that keeps getting tossed around. Apparently, every time my pancreas acts up it …

Missed me again!

I’m definitely sick, but not with covid. Whatever. Still wearing a mask and moving appointments around. I am starting to feel a tiny bit better and hopefully I will be all better in a few days. In the meantime, I’m just resting and trying to recover. I really didn’t think this was covid because I …

Self sabotage…

…is kind of what I’ve been engaged in. I have this fear of success. I mean don’t get me wrong, I also have an absolutely terrible fear of failure, but I’ve been there before. It’s “comfy.” I haven’t had a ton of success as of late. I am afraid of what happens when/if things work …

Coming home.

I am back home. I am not thrilled. I’ve been sitting in the pharmacy drive thru for twenty minutes to pick up a medication. Weeee! I think I’m still three cars back. My professor agreed to give me an incomplete for this class, which I am super grateful for. I was not going to make …

Dietican was hard today…

I cried through half the appointment. I realized that I got triggered not only by the stupid chair collapsing, but by my professor and his discussion last week. I didn’t even tell one of my friends about the chair collapsing because she is so fat phobic that she wouldn’t understand. She would just blame me. …