Sitting in ER (Again)

I literally couldn’t take it. I tried to use my skills and I called for mental health coaching and I took pain meds. I was still absolutely miserable. I am in so much pain it’s not funny. I don’t know how to stop it. So… back to the emergency room I go. I’m so tired …

It just keeps getting more interesting…

Hospital socks, an iv and a bracelet… where could I be?? That’s right! The emergency room! Waiting for the hospitalalist team to come admit me. I feel disgusting. Mom is blaming it on me and “eating too much thanksgiving.” I’m trying SO HARD for that not to be an eating disorder trigger. SO HARD. Also, …

The 21st…

Something about your job: Well… I mean I don’t have one so I guess I’m grateful for that? I mean sometimes. Sometimes I am frustrated that I cannot figure out how to stay in a job like a “normal” person. It’s very difficult for me. I am terrified of my future because of this. It’s …

The 11th and 12th…

A smell: that would be lilac. Lilac bushes are my favorite things and lilacs are my favorite flowers. They are so fragrant and beautiful and come in a surprising array of colors. Three big things: 1) Modern medicine: I may get frustrated at times, but I am so grateful to have access to modern medicine …

I finally see the light…

I have been in the hospital since last Saturday night. I’m so over it. After talking with the doctor today, I finally see hope though. I mean, I think I will probably be going home tomorrow or Sunday. This makes me very happy. I suspect I won’t be doing much when I go home besides …

New doctor!!

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ I really love my new primary care doctor. She was so nice! Like awesome. I am a huge fan. That went really well and she listened to me and told me to put my scale away etc. It was good. I am happy with her. I had to get …

It’s a beautiful morning!

I’m on the deck again drinking coffee. I managed to get back to sleep at 4:30 this morning and sleep until 9:00. That was much better. They’ve upgraded my area’s chance for severe weather as of this morning, and I’m super anxious about it. I hate storms. Otherwise, today’s shaping up to be a great …

Five

That’s how many hours of sleep I got. I woke up at 3:30 this morning, after fighting the clock for an hour, and finally decided to give up and just stay up. I am tired, but not sleepy. I think a few things conspired to make this happen. One, I drank more caffeine yesterday than …

Well, I slept like crap

I am so anxious about meeting with my dietican today. I am pretty sure my therapist and her have had some kind of conversation. Maybe not. I don’t freaking know. I gave them each others’ numbers and I’m almost certain they have releases for each other so… I just don’t know what kind of decision …

Questionable today…

I woke up tired. I hate that. I had dreams all night long because I’m really anxious about therapy today. Not only do I have to eat something triggering with her, I also have to talk to her about how I am afraid to call coaching now. I know one of her staff from a …