My inheritance…

I told my grandmother when I was a little girl that the only thing I really wanted to inherit from her was her chandelier. She wrote it in her book that she left to my grandpa that she wanted me to have it. Today, we went and took it down. It was bittersweet. I’m just …

This smile

I’m going to miss this warm smile most of all. That and how he loved my grandmother. No question he just beamed when he was with her. I miss both of them more than I can say. Almost more than my heart can take. My only consolation is that I will see them again one …

Music fills my soul

I am terribly sad, but I’m finding solace in all kinds of music. I have it surrounding me pretty much at all times. Everything from old hymns, to classic rock, to 80’s pop, to 90’s alternative. There’s some country and indie too. Just everything. I want to start playing my piano more. I kind of …

Digging out memories

I decided to wear my special ring this week. The diamond in the center was my great grandmother’s and my grandma wore it every day. The outer diamonds and detail were part of my mom’s wedding ring when she was married to my biological Dad. My mom had them made into a single ring for …

Broke down at church

I finally lost it at church. People were hugging me and telling me they were sorry about my grandpa and I just lost it. The floodgates opened. I am really sad. I mean, I’m glad he’s not suffering anymore. I believe he is with Jesus. I just… miss him. This sucks so much. I miss …

I feel numb

I can’t seem to unlock my emotions. I am just numb. I should be terribly sad. I guess. I have been terribly sad. Now that my grandpa is gone, I’m just… unable to access it. I feel a little reckless. I’m not sleeping well, or at least regular hours. I am grieving I guess, but …

I didn’t sleep

After I found out my grandpa had passed, I was wide awake. This was despite the fact that I had taken my meds. I ended up staying awake all night long talking to a friend from high school. It was really nice to reconnect and have a real conversation. It had been forever since we’d …

And just like that…

I don’t have any grandparents left. My grandpa is gone as of five minutes ago. Part of me is relieved he is no longer suffering. Part of me is devastated. Not only did I lose my grandpa, but I lost the last real connection to my grandma and their house full of memories. So many …

Shopping in closet

I had more fun playing in my closet than I expected to. I found two dresses that I forgot I owned that are actually in the size I am now. Who knew? One is black, (they are actually both black), but the first one is kind of a boho style summery maxi dress. The second …

Traditions

My mom got me this rosary several years ago. I don’t remember the occasion, and it’s really not all that important now. My grandparents were Catholic and my mom and stepdad are Catholic. I was baptized Catholic, but my Dad had more to say about my religious upbringing, and so I grew up in a …