This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I … Continue reading Beginning
⚠️ Trigger warning- suicide I spent the better part of last evening and now this morning arguing with a pseudo-intellectual about how "suicide is selfish." I know that's a popular opinion. Here's the thing: when you spout that opinion in certain ways, you make people feel like thinking about it is selfish. Now, I don't … Continue reading Bootstraps
I cancelled physical therapy for my shoulder both times this week. I had other appointments that were more important and I was overwhelmed. I decided I needed a mental health break. If I'm honest, the pt isn't really helping that much anyway. I am trying not to be too frustrated by the pain in my … Continue reading Breaks
I was reminded that I need to break my larger goals into smaller things so I don't get so overwhelmed. I realized that I was so focused on the end-result that I was paralyzing myself. I do that. I just need to take smaller bites. At first I thought that meant I need to start … Continue reading Smaller
If you follow my blog, you are now one of 700+ followers! Thank you! I'm so excited! I just realized this and it made me smile this morning on what was kind of a frustrating morning, so thanks! I hope all of you have wonderfully amazing days and that the sun comes out to see … Continue reading 700!
https://youtu.be/5glOLjR7VK4 I was asked, "what you can find purpose and meaning in?" Ummm.... I'm feeling super frustrated right now with myself. I am scared of my own shadow and afraid to try anything. I am afraid of failure, afraid of choosing the wrong thing, afraid of repeating past mistakes, afraid of proving everyone "right" about … Continue reading Purpose
As in, I wish I believed this...
The cracks are starting to show. Depression is starting to kick my butt again. I went to the ortho doc on Friday and he told me basically that he couldn't do anything about my knee because, despite the fact that I have a torn meniscus, it's too far gone and I just need to lose … Continue reading Sigh….
Today's forecast: cloudy with a chance of clouds. I'm so sick of rain. I'm waiting for the ark to float by with giraffes sticking out. Honestly. It's been so gloomy. I guess it's just part of living where I live, but I need some sun. My mood is taking a hit from the lack of … Continue reading Chance
I'm wide awake and annoyed. I got up at 3:40 this morning so I could drive to another city to my neurology appointment and I can't make myself be tired enough to fall asleep. I don't know if it's because I slept all day yesterday or if I somehow just messed up my sleep schedule … Continue reading Sleep?!
I got up at 3:40 this morning so that I could see my neurologist. Woo hoo! I have to drive about an hour and a half to where he is and it's raining this morning so I budgeted extra time. Of course I forgot my knee brace while I'm hiking around campus this morning. Genius. … Continue reading Morning…