This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I … Continue reading Beginning
I have been battling stupid pancreatitis since Monday. No joke, I feel like crap on a stick. I am currently out and about, (as opposed to in the hospital), trying to get some errands done with my friend. Thankfully, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so he can run blood work and check where things … Continue reading Rough
I confess that there are days that I just don't want to be "mentally ill" anymore. I mean, I know that sounds a bit strange. Who wants this really, but I mean that in a real and true way. I just get tired of all of the trappings that come with living with bipolar disorder. … Continue reading Confession
My old therapist mailed me a "transfer of care" thing. It had a summary of what we had done in therapy together, but it also talked about how I started in DBT for four sessions before I decided not to continue. I think my new therapist decided, based on that, that I must have a … Continue reading Transfer
I successfully replaced the headlight on my car by myself! Yay me! I think I may have done it before a long time ago, but I have not done it in a very long time. I have been feeling helpless in most areas of my life for a considerable amount of time, so victories like … Continue reading Headlight
My baby. I don't post her here much, but she's my love. I caught her right before she started moving...
I had to take my mom to the emergency room last night. She had a really bad migraine, but it came on very suddenly and it wasn't like anything she'd had before, so she felt like it needed to be checked out. The doctors did two different kinds of CT scans and bloodwork to see … Continue reading Scary
When everything piles on my lap, the only thing I can do is take one thing at a time. It would be easy for me to be very overwhelmed right now, but I'm remembering to just take things one thing at a time. I am worried about a zillion things, but only one of those … Continue reading Lap
I was asked what steps I thought I was making towards recovery right now. My immediate answer was, "none." I mean, I've been so wrapped up in helping literally everyone else that I haven't really invested a whole lot of time in myself. That said, when this person pressed me, I realized that I have … Continue reading Growth…
I should be cleaning and organizing. Instead, I'm curled into a ball. I can't. I am completely fried. I am just done. Maybe a nap or something will help. I'm really tired... Screw anxiety, screw bipolar and screw being crazy. I'm so over it. Image from Pixabay.
I woke up too early today. How is that even possible? Normally, I would curl back up in bed or find something productive to do with myself, but I have to leave for an appointment in an hour so I feel like I don't want to start any projects. I am just kind of twiddling … Continue reading Downtime…