Beginning

This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I …

Fired?

Well, my therapist was really nice about it, but I am pretty sure she fired me. She said if I needed her in the future, to let her know. Pretty sure that means she is not meeting with me anymore. Sooooo... not sure what to think. Hopefully, the DBT place gets me hooked up with …

Disappointing.

It’s so hard for me to disappoint people. I spend untold amounts of energy working on being a “people pleaser” and just trying to keep things on an even keel. I am so freaking worried about having to tell my therapist that I am switching over to DBT. I know she is going to be …

Disclosure…

I kind of don’t want to make a big deal of this, but then I don’t want to ignore the experience either. I don’t know. So here’s the thing; I’ve heard voices in my life less than a handful of times. Every time except for this past time, I was manic and not doing well. …

Understand?

I don’t understand how I could be in a place where I got all of my homework done last night, and I still had a panic attack. I mean, I sort of do. I overthink everything and I started getting ahead of myself about the upcoming week. Honestly though. Why can’t I just be happy …

Nectar.

When the coffee pot sends grounds everywhere and makes a giant mess in the morning and you are too tired to deal with it, McDonald’s comes to the rescue. Seriously. Have to have coffee. I probably don’t need it because it makes me more anxious, but I do require it to function, so there’s that. …

Homework 📚

I finished my assignments for this week. Yay me! I do still have one thing left for my one class that I need to wrap up today or tomorrow, but it’s a little thing and won’t take too long. The hardest part of that is done too. I am pretty proud of myself because it’s …

Much.

It turns out I’m not done with the one class, and I have so much work to do for the other. I’m feeling a little buried. It’s not insurmountable. It’s just a lot. If I work on it today, I should be able to get it done. Yesterday, I had more work to do with …

Accommodations.

I met with the disability specialist at my university, (or one of them anyway), to talk to him about the paperwork I submitted to request accommodations at school. It actually went really well. We talked about how living with anxiety makes it very difficult to sit through long classes without needing breaks, and how I …

Down…

One class down for the week, one to go. I still haven’t figured out exactly why I am getting so frozen about these classes. I am grateful I only took two this semester, however. I really need to get the other class done while I am kind of rational though. If I freeze again, it …

Aaaaaaggghhhh!

I fell asleep at something like 5 pm yesterday. I was so overwhelmed by trying to work on homework, I just kind of gave up. I have things I need to do today, and things that need to become a priority and I’m worried that I won’t be able to do them. I felt like …