Beginning

This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I …

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Despite

It's nasty and pouring and grey outside, but I decided to push myself and make the corn muffins for dinner tonight.  I SO didn't want to. I wanted to take a nap. I knew my family would be disappointed if they had to make them though and it's just jiffy mix. It doesn't take that …

Open

I need to figure out why it's so hard for me to be open. It takes so much to get me to crack and be vulnerable, and then after I unpack everything, it's forever before I can pack it all back in again.  I met with my case manager today, and she is very insightful …

Monday!

Attacking Monday with gusto! I stopped to treat myself to breakfast in between my errands. I already got gas and picked up a prescription, and I have to return a library book (before the due date!!) and then go to an appointment after that.  I may try to at least clean the surfaces in my …

Vivid

This is art I did a while back when I was feeling a little elevated, but it so clearly also depicts what my dreams feel like.  They are a Cacophony of not only sounds but ideas, places, colors, smells and images.  Sometimes they are informed by the worries of the day. Sometimes they are inspired by …

Odd

This is what happens when you keep odd hours.  I don't have to be anywhere until NOON, but I'm begrudgingly awake. I did get probably six hours of sleep. And a five hour nap yesterday. And five hours the night before.  I would have rather taken a two hour nap and thrown those extra three …

B&W #3

I’m challenged by Dronstad to do the Seven Days Seven B&W Photos Challenge. This challenge is to post seven black and white photos, no people, no explanation, of everyday life for seven consecutive days. I challenge anyone who wants to participate! Challenging individuals is anxiety provoking for me. It's the same reason I lag so far …

Masquerade

This is kind of a rant. I am not always the most politically correct person in the world. I do make an effort to be as sensitive as I can, but sometimes I fail. There is common sense too, but holy cow this pisses me off.  Why do we still live in a time when …

Groggy

I took a five hour nap today that has left me groggy and feeling like a zillion ton weight. It it hadn't had gotten so warm in my room, I'm fairly certain I could have slept for the rest of the night.  So much for my complaining about not falling asleep. I DID have dreams …

Brain

I made this art this morning. It's kind of a "brain on fire." Sharpie markers and chalk pastels. I suppose it looks like a manic brain, and it could be, but today it's just an anxious one. My thoughts are busy and racing but not in that manic way.  They inhibit my ability to sleep, …

Awful……

This is supposed to be Carrie Fisher. I have to tell you that because she is unrecognizable.  I am clearly never going to be a portrait artist.  I AM following through with my promise to myself to post the good and the bad when it comes to art and poetry. It's not all going to …