Beginning

This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I …

Wild.

I went up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan on vacation, (hence my silence for a few days), and toured almost the whole thing. I could have driven to Florida and back with as many miles as I put on my car, and I never left my home state. It was beautiful. The top pic …

Day 109

Now masks are mandated everywhere in Michigan. Even outside. Violating it is a $500 misdemeanor. Not a civil infraction. A misdemeanor. That box you check when it asks if you have committed any crimes when you go to apply for a job? Yeah, you'd have to check that for not wearing a mask. It's okay. …

Day 105

Yesterday I drove and drove and drove some more, (and never left my home state)! I probably drove ten hours in total, but it was worth it. My friend got to see some things in the eastern upper peninsula that she had never seen, and I got to enjoy them all over again through her …

Day 104

Today's the big day! Road trip! I wish I could tell you that I was well rested and ready to drive the ten hours I have to drive today. I wish I could say that. I'm not. I think a combination of excitement and nicotine patches has made it so I can't sleep. I did …

Day 103

In 24 hours, I will be well on my way up north, (God willing)! I'm so excited! It almost doesn't feel real. Currently, it's a little after 6 a.m. here and I'm enjoying my morning coffee with my cat on the deck. We are trying to get our "outside" time in before it's too hot. …

Day 102

It's Independence Day! My favorite holiday! I kind of wish I could celebrate it by doing something civilly disobedient like opening a business or something, but I can't so... I'm going to help my friend do some deep cleaning. Yay! Then I'm probably going to head to bed early so I can set my sleep …

Day 101

Well, I didn't really sleep very well again. It took me forever to fall asleep last night and I woke up super early again, (I've been doing that for a couple of weeks). I suspect that my limited sleep in the last couple of days has to do with my nicotine replacement, but if I …

Ack.

I have a wicked headache going on today. I think it's from the weather or my allergies or something. I don't know. I just feel really bad. I hate migraines. I am nauseated and dizzy and generally just gross. I have been getting them a little more frequently lately with the higher heat outside. Not …

Day 100

This is my second morning waking up and doing things smoke-free! It's also the 100th day since our governor locked everything down. I'm celebrating one of those. Today, I'm organizing things for my trip in a serious kind of way because I'm headed to a friend's house until probably Sunday morning. I don't want to …

Quitter.

I have gone 30 hours without a cigarette. It's a pretty big deal. I am serious about it this time. I don't want to be a smoker. It smells bad, tastes gross, and most importantly- costs about a zillion dollars. It also irritates other people around me and it isn't what God has planned for …