Beginning

This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I … Continue reading Beginning

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Relaxed

I'm feeling very relaxed after my mini-vacay. I am not so full of thoughts and emotions that I feel the need to post 15 times a day. It was a nice respite. I did have one of those moments where I thought seriously about how I might have run and hid in the area I … Continue reading Relaxed

Dad

Not all superheroes wear capes. Today my Dad is coming through in a big way. My therapist and case manager both suggested that I needed a break and I didn't think it was possible due to finances. My Dad is helping me out so that I can take a small trip to restore my sanity. … Continue reading Dad

Morning

Well my morning is starting off full of anxiety. I couldn't get myself in the shower. I just couldn't. It's a project that is likely to take all day. My therapist is running very late apparently, which only increases my anxiety about this whole meeting thing. I hate this lobby and I do not do … Continue reading Morning

Real

This is me. I am not pretending to be anyone else. I heard from date guy and now he is suddenly too busy to date. I suspect he has my last name now and found the blog he knew I had. Whatever. If someone doesn't want the not so pretty parts, I guess that's his … Continue reading Real

Running

I basically ran out of Celebrate Recovery tonight. I was experiencing ridiculously high anxiety. I couldn't sit there anymore. I feel guilty. I just wanted to run as fast as I could and keep running. I brought a friend with me and I took her home, but I still have to get home from her … Continue reading Running

Routine

I'm seriously bummed that my church is ending Celebrate Recovery. Really, I believe in the direction it is headed in, but it totally disrupts my weekly routine for a while. I just kind of do this on Wednesday nights, so I'm not sure what I'll be doing instead. There doesn't seem to be a lot … Continue reading Routine

Last

My mom called me to tell me that my room was a mess. She said that "it was a reflection of my mind." No kidding. I'm STUNNED. Mostly, it was some stuff on a table and dresser, a basket with art supplies, my pile of clean laundry waiting to be put away, and my pile … Continue reading Last