This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I … Continue reading Beginning
Today the "sleepy depression" hit. I know that's the "normal" kind of depression for most people. That is, most people I know at least, tend to oversleep when they feel depressed. That has not been me in the past few years. I can't sleep no matter what. It's hard for me to relax enough to … Continue reading Hibernation
One of the lessons in my RO-DBT handbook is on loving-kindness meditation. It requires that I find a memory to foment a feeling of safety and warm feelings. I'm really struggling to do that. It's one of those things where I feel like my life has always been chaos so I've never really felt safe. … Continue reading Meditation
This is a self portrait I did today. The mouths are supposed to be one smiling and one frowning, (that one is in blue upside-down). It was inspired, (but not copied), by something I saw today in a coffee shop. It's just sharpie markers on paper. I was going to do something with the background … Continue reading Portrait
....and about in the glorious sunshine. It's only 60°F here, but it's wonderful. I'm so happy to have another day of sun. It was so gloomy here for so long that I really think that played a part in my mood. Today is the first day I can say that maybe my mood is lifting … Continue reading Out….
I went to church on Easter Sunday. It's been a while since I went. I've been wrestling with a lot of things when it comes to my faith, but the biggest issue I have is the trust component. I realized that while I believe that Christ died for my sins and that God exists, I … Continue reading Component? ⛪
My stupid knee is acting up again. It did this last spring and I failed at going to physical therapy for it. I know I should go. It would probably help. Actually, it would definitely help, but twice a week for however long is a major commitment and I suck at having that many commitments. … Continue reading Ouch!
There's no place like home. I got home late the night before last, and it is nice to be back. I had hoped that the trip would be a reset, and on the trip I wasn't certain it was helping much, other than it was nice to see my Georgia family, but I do feel … Continue reading Home
Tonight, I'm flying back home from Atlanta. I am already nervous. I hate dealing with getting through security. It makes me so anxious. Especially at Atlanta because there are just hoards of people attempting to get through and it's pure nonsense. I try to not have anything in my carry ons really, but there's always … Continue reading ATL
Putting on a humongous front today that everything is fine. Really I'm so anxious I'm crawling out of my skin. I am trying to be okay. I am. I am working on my therapy skills for this week. I'm trying to put into place things I've learned. Some of them are helping. I've still needed … Continue reading Breathing
