Beginning

This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I …

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Sliding even further…

Spiraling down. I just feel like crap. It’s a beautiful day outside, but I will probably spend it inside with all of the blinds closed. That’s not even really my decision. I’d probably open them today. I guess I will just stay in bed. I am feeling pretty hopeless. I won’t lie. Whatever. It is …

Learning a language…

I’ve been playing with Duolingo for the past week and a half and my Spanish skills are greatly improving. I was also playing with the German on there since I took four semesters of that in my undergrad and don’t remember as much as I wish I did. It’s a lot of fun! I like …

Scrub scrub scrub…

When all else fails, pray and clean. None of my other skills were really helping me out today, so I distracted myself by cleaning. I got a lot done. I changed the sheets, washed some CRUSTY dishes, wiped down the table and counter tops, swept the floor, did a load of laundry, made the bed, …

Making it complicated…

I have two people in my life who have excellent reasons for not wanting to go in and seek medical treatment for their scary stuff. I also have two people in my life who are sick. This makes for one very stressed out me. I’m working so hard on accepting their decisions and praying for …

Mom is sick…

...and now everything might as well be on fire. My best friend is sick. My mom is sick. I am toast. I just want to shrivel up. I’m like soooooooo burnt out. I would have much rather it had been me that got sick than them. This is so lame. I’m angry and upset and …

What me worry?

I don’t know how many of you will get this reference. Whatever. I read MAD magazine religiously as a kid. LOVED it. Also, I digress. I worry. All the time I worry. I can’t stop worrying. I freak out about my mom not feeling well. I freak out about my friends struggling with their health. …

Swirling lower down…

I just feel like my mood is sinking further down than it was earlier this week. I just want to curl up and sleep for days. I hate depression. It’s miserable. I just... I don’t know. I’m sure it will get better. But in the mean time, I feel like crap. Image from Pexels.

State of things…

I’m sad. I starting to think this is the beginning of a depressive episode brought on by being quarantined for so long. I feel miserable. I am so tired. Not sick like fatigued, just weary and not enough sleep tired. I have been trying to be everything and it hasn’t been enough. What’s stupid is …

Chicken noodle soup…

I am making home made chicken noodle soup today for Valentine’s Day. It’s pretty fun to make because the end result is so yummy! I don’t have a recipe, so I kind of just chop things up and dump them in. Thankfully, my parents had gone shopping for the ingredients for me since I’m still …

When it rains…

Seriously. My friend is still battling COVID, which means I’m still in quarantine with her. The dog, (her dog), is sick. He requires medication as of recently, and now his blood sugar appears to be out of whack. Something we can’t get checked out until the quarantine is over. Today, (in an issue more important …