Hospitals are boring…

No joke. I can’t sleep well because I’m in pain and so uncomfortable from the extreme nausea that I feel. The time is just ticking by so slowly. My mom has been up to visit, but they are only allowing one visitor for the duration of my stay, and she doesn’t have the stamina to …

Pancreatitis again, seriously?

I am waiting to find out if I am staying in the hospital. I have pancreatitis again. I don’t know if they will let me because of Covid and everything going on, but I feel really bad. I can’t hold anything down and I can’t really take anything to keep anything down. It’s a mess. …

You know what?

It would be nice if I was wanted somewhere. I mean, not trying to whine, just saying. Apparently, I’m a huge pain in the rear end or not pleasant to be around or too fat to be in the presence of or whatever. So... Yeah. I wish I had a place that felt like “home,” …

My current jam:

https://youtu.be/Ymd7ZWVUwcM

I got it!

I got my first covid vaccine! I kind of have a headache, but I took some ibuprofen and it seems to have abated a little. I am happy to have this first round out of the way. I have to sit through an hour of the dentist today and I am not in the mood …

Busy little bee…

I have so many errands to run today! I’m getting my first covid shot today. I have to go to the dentist, (something I am super freaked out about). I have to run to the store. I’m going to lunch with a friend for her birthday that we didn’t get together on. I’m super excited …

Black and white…

Here’s the thing: I don’t know how to do things halfway. If I’m going to try to lose weight, I will starve myself. It’s what I do. It’s a self-reinforcing behavior as well because I see the results on the scale and then I keep doing it. Weight loss is not the only area I’m …

Woke up stressing…

Trigger warning for discussion of eating disorder. I barely put any creamer in my coffee and I made some hard boiled eggs so I’d have a healthy choice to eat. My friend then said, “I’ll make muffins for breakfast!” I’m literally dying. Don’t get me wrong, they sound good, but I just feel like I …

Trying to be.

That’s it. Just trying to be present. I’m currently not doing a very good job. My knee hurts like all get out. I don’t know what to do with it. I mean, no one will do surgery on it because it’s just trashed and I’m too young for replacement so I am just supposed to …

When everyone else…

...is stressed to the max, it’s hard not to get sucked into that energy. I’m feeling on edge and exhausted at the same time. I don’t feel quite right. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t think it’s covid. I mean, I don’t have any symptoms except I’m really tired. That could be from anything. …