It turns out…

...I just had to eat. I haven’t been doing a great job of that lately. Whatever. TW from here on out for discussion of eating disordered thoughts. The point is, I feel better physically now that I ate something. Emotionally, I hate that I have to eat. I’m grossly overweight and the one area that …

Don’t feel well

I took a nap today because I was exhausted and I woke up feeling like crap. I don’t have a fever or any signs of covid, (I’m fully vaccinated at this point), but I just don’t feel well. I feel like I could toss my cookies, except I haven’t eaten anything in several hours. I …

Need to care…

This was a pretty good day a while back (my hair is a lot longer now). I am slowly realizing that I need to take care of me. I am absolutely miserable at it. I’m so good at anticipating others’ needs and filling them. That’s not a boast, it’s just something I’ve learned to do …

New therapy goals

My therapist and I talked last night and we both thing that I need to work on my self worth and how I do not value myself. I always put everyone else first, and I know how to take care of everyone else, but I don’t know how to take care of me. This has …

Got more sleep

I got another five hours of sleep. I wish I felt rested. I had nightmares all night long. I was screaming and screaming (in my dream). Sigh. I woke up crying. I see my therapist today, finally. I talked to her last night and that was actually helpful, so hopefully we can get some work …

So three hours

Yeah. I slept for just over three hours. Now it’s 1:45 am and I’m awake. This is crap. I’m desperately praying that I fall back to sleep. Even if it’s only until four. That’d be okay. I’d take that. At least I have friends on the other side of the country who are still awake …

Ugh my mouth!

I gotta say, I am the best at misstating things. I just totally pissed my friend off because I said something the wrong way. She said, “I’ll talk to you when I get around to it.” Ouch. I mean, I guess. It was a mistake. I apologized twice. Normally, I’d be crushed, but right now …

All the feels

I am overwhelmed with stuff. I just opened my credit card bill and the card my cousin has that she is supposed to be paying off, she has nearly maxed out. She makes the minimum payment every month, but really. I’m frustrated. That was another case of giving too much because my heart was too …

I’m all over

I’m literally scattered all over the place. I’m sad and anxious. I really want to tell you about this cheap sundress I bought while I was on vacay because it’s cute and it was on sale and cheap. It’s perfect for when the weather gets hot. I am, as I previously posted, worried about this …

Nervous about Nutritionist

Tw: for discussion of eating disorder stuff Today I finally have my appointment with my nutritionist/dietician. She specializes in eating disorders. I made it 3.5 weeks ago when I was living on 800 calories a day. I had the thing with my dad happen, and then I started reverting back to old eating patterns of …