Me

These are the lyrics to one of the coolest songs from this movie. They made me cry along with the ones from "Come Alive" (I posted that song here). "This is Me" I'm not a stranger to the dark Hide away, they say 'Cause we don't want your broken parts I've learned to be ashamed … Continue reading Me

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Trepidation

I'm suddenly very anxious about the new year. I don't really understand why except for the fact that I hate change. It's a date though. Am I really so adverse to change that a calendar change is causing me anxiety? I don't think that's it. There's a lot of things coming up in January that … Continue reading Trepidation

Jinxed

I jinxed myself earlier when I said today was flying by. It has now come to a very sloooooooow crawl. I am just not feeling like partying. I thought about going downtown for the fireworks tonight, but windchills are supposed to be -10 to -20F tonight (that's -23 to-29C for the rest of the world). … Continue reading Jinxed

Sadness

I've written a lot about hope today and I am hopeful, I really am. I just also don't want to discount the sort of sadness that underpins everything that I feel as well. I can't really shake this depression no matter how hard I try. It's not the bruising, crushing, soul-stealing kind of depression I … Continue reading Sadness

Joy

I can Finally begin to see after the prison of pain that trapped me. There's hope again in my life. Even though I'm not far from strife. I don't need a life of sheer perfection to be able to view in this year's reflection, to see the crush of darkness give way to light; a … Continue reading Joy

Last

It's the last day of the year and who knew I'd be waxing so emotional and sentimental about it. I already did my Review post, and that isn't really what this is. I thought I'd be thrilled to see this year go. It just kind of started out rough and had really ugly moments. There … Continue reading Last

Madness

This post is from early June. I think it’s telling how far I’ve come in just six months. This summer was terrifying, and it’s humbling to know that this illness can take me back at any time, but it’s also empowering to know that I have new skills and tools to deal with recovering from this place if it ever happens again. I am not making a “resolution “ this year in the way that most people do. I am not resolving to lose weight or spend less money on frivolous things, (both worthy goals), but instead I am just going to work on continuing on my path towards recovery. As dirty and bumpy and hard as that can be, I can taste it and I want it for myself. Some version of “better.” Some life that I own instead of my illness owning me. That’s what I want in the new year. One step closer to that.

Image from Pixabay

This Girl's Got Curves

When does quirkily mentally ill turn into madness?

Somewhere around where I am now.

My thoughts are flying. They are coming so fast, so many at a time, and so loudly (but not as voices), that I can’t keep up with them. It’s just kind of this blurry swirling tornado of thoughts that keep bombarding me. I am almost undone by it.

Blasting loud music kind of keeps it at bay a bit, the art helps, but nothing is really providing much relief.

Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by. Last night was less than 4 hours and I am not even tired.

Now the mild paranoia is starting. I’m also starting to see shadows out of the corners my eye.

Unfortunately, my current treatment team has not seen me like this before so they don’t know that this can happen to me. It’s a rare event. I…

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