Crazy, sick or both?

I finally got out of the hospital on Sunday. I still feel not so good. I’m just really tired now and my legs are inexplicably like lead and jelly at the same time. I actually didn’t notice that in the hospital when I was walking around my room. Now I notice it. I don’t know. …

So worried about today

I have so many things in the fire right now. I am going to volunteer in just over an hour and I’m pretty tired so I’m worried about how I’m going to do at the desk today. I don’t want to appear to be so blonde I can’t do it. I am also “on alert” …

Unfinished poem

Sitting on my bed Ghosts dancing in my head Talking to the shadows on the floor And the monsters opposite the door. The fire raging in my brain Dreams going down the drain Sadness overtakes me And I can no longer see. Through the fog of depression And walls of oppression The stars are occluded …

Too broken to help

I hate the saying, “broken crayons still color.” Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they are just broken. Sometimes they are covered in all the colors around them that they are rendered useless. I don’t know. I am broken. I feel like such a fraud applying to this graduate program. Like… I don’t know how I am …

Fractured heart

A fractured heart pulled apart by a broken mind and I want a sign that it’ll be okay. Crying everyday. Wishing it away. Knowing it’s a part of having a heart and living this way. One day the stars will heal these scars and I’ll be whole with a complete soul and these cracks will …

Put on a happy face

So… I have to volunteer tomorrow because I said last week that I would. I didn’t read the manual thing, and I don’t know if I even know where it is in my car. Maybe in the backseat or trunk? Who knows? I am woefully unprepared and I am in a horrible space to learn …

I am depressed

This is what it looks like. I’m literally too embarrassed to show pictures of my floor. I am feeling defeated and like this depression is endless. It’s been going on for so long. It’s the middle of summer and I don’t feel better. I don’t know why. We had to discontinue the newer med that …

Survived today…barely

I went to go see a sick friend. It was awful, She basically cried the entire time, and then I started crying. It was just pretty emotional and sad. I also visited with some friends. That was nice, but my head wasn’t really in it since I was a little distraught at my earlier visit. …

breakdown

Maybe you’ll see it’s not about me and all that I do has always been you. Crying all night tired of the fight Tears made of blood We’re stuck in the mud. And honey I’d tear down every wall Unlock every chain and Fight every man in this small town But, baby I fear we’re …

Mitigated the bad

So I decided to stop drinking before I was a total idiot, and I only ate one pint of ice cream. It could have been worse… I am still agitated and upset. Not sure how I’m going to cope today. I think maybe I’m going to work on some art or something. We’ll see. I …