Trying

Here I am trying to look like I am having fun at the beach earlier. It was 90 some degrees and sticky. Even at the lakeshore. I don't know. I tried. I swam for a little while, but the water was so churned up it just looked gross. It just meant another shower when I … Continue reading Trying

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Self-Care

I took a shower. I realize this is an every day activity for most people, but for me today it was like participating in an Olympic triathlon. It took everything I had to do it and while I look dressed and ready for the day, I'm pretty sure I could fall asleep right now. I'm … Continue reading Self-Care

Junk

I was trying to help out a friend last night who has sort of forgetfully not been eating very well lately, so I asked her what sounded good. She told me mozzarella sticks and potato skins. Fantastic. I went to the store and picked up the frozen-toss-in-the-oven variety and made them for her. She of … Continue reading Junk

Vivid

I had vivid dreams and "sort of" nightmares all night long. I must have woken up seven times. I am already in tears today and I just woke up. I still just feel unstable and freaked out. I did not get quality sleep. I don't know why I can't do that in my house other … Continue reading Vivid

The struggle is real

It's official. Pretty much everyone I know with a mental health diagnosis is having a hard time in one way or another. I am honestly concerned. I am still struggling myself, but it does help me to help out my friends too. Praying for some sunlight for everyone. Older original art by me.

Avoidance

I'm supposed to be "not avoiding." I think I'm supposed to be not avoiding my feelings, because that is what makes sense, but honestly I was so checked out of therapy on Thursday, I didn't even realize how checked out I was. I kind of feel like my therapist steamrolls me sometimes though too and … Continue reading Avoidance

Two-piece

I totally bought this today online. I will probably return it. Here's the thing: it's from a store that is a plus-sized store. Bigger women don't have to hide in suits with stupid skirts on them anymore. I have zero idea if I will feel comfortable in this thing or not, but I figure it … Continue reading Two-piece

Koosh!

Do you guys remember these koosh balls? This one is saving me today. My friend let me borrow it to help with anxiety and sensory overload stuff. It's awesome. I've had it with me all day. I'm VERY fidgety and having a hard time relaxing. Having somewhere to focus that helps. I think I'm headed … Continue reading Koosh!

Surprise

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION. My mother honestly shocked me today. I have a very hard time being vulnerable with her because that hasn't always been a safe thing in the past. It is what it is. The thing is, today I had to make a choice between putting a friend in a position that … Continue reading Surprise

Brainstorming

I have been working out a safety plan all morning. I think I have it figured out. I am not going to post it here because I don't want to trigger anyone, but I think it should work okay. It's better than nothing. I just had to come up with something in order to feel … Continue reading Brainstorming