Day 2986

I seriously cannot tell you how discouraging it is to still be throwing up after being out of the hospital for four days. I can’t even hold water down this morning. It’s really annoying. I don’t want to go back to the hospital, so I’m just staying put. I decided that I need to go …

This girl is tired…

…of being sick. No, I’m not back in the hospital. I feel like I could be though. I am so sick. I am so nauseous. I have taken all of the nausea meds that I can take. I still feel like I might lose the water that I just drank. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know …

Home.

I’m out of the hospital, finally. I still feel kind of terrible if I’m honest. I am so thirsty and I can’t seem to make the pain in my side calm down. I was on iv fluids until this morning, so now that I’m responsible for hydrating myself, I’m not doing quite as good of …

I work so hard to feel…

…like I have agency in my life, despite the issues I have with my mental and physical health. When people toss me around like I have no value or rights to self-determination, I get irritated. My nurse is lovely. My doctor is lovely. What they are not, either because they cannot, or because they choose …

Not forever, just for now and 850 miles…

Describe the last difficult "goodbye" you said. The most recent difficult “goodbye” in my life, was my Dad this past new year. He didn’t go anywhere other than back home to Georgia to go back to work, but I hadn’t seen him in a couple of years and I don’t know when I will see …

Well, I wasn’t wrong…

The doctor basically said, “why are you here?” and handed me some nausea meds and basic pain meds. He thinks I need to deal with my PCP, (whom I can’t EVER see), or my specialist, (whom is even HARDER to see). This is bonkers. I feel like crap: emotionally, physically… all of it. Sooo…. Yeah. …

At the STUPID ER…. Again

I hate it here. I am always here though, and they treat me like it. It sucks. My pancreatic enzymes are just a smidge too high, but not high enough to be “pancreatitis.” I don’t know what is wrong, but something hurts a lot and I am losing fluid quickly out of both ends. So …

Is it or isn’t it?

I’m trying to decide if this pain in my side is just me being ridiculous, or if it’s my pancreas acting up again. I hate this. I literally live in fear of my own body. Thankfully, my pancreatic specialist put in a standing order for a lab so I can get that enzyme checked when …

Got a sooner appt with my therapist

I sent an SOS text to my therapist asking to meet sooner than Friday. She had an opening Wednesday morning, which is better than Friday afternoon I guess so, I’m glad. I also went to get the second (and final) dose of my hepatitis A vaccine. My pancreatic specialist wanted me to make sure to …

I’m not digging today

I woke up with the aforementioned sore throat, panicked about it, and then went back to sleep. I got woken up at 2pm by a friend of mine who was mad because I didn’t include them in plans for my day today. Honestly, I don’t have plans for today. My stepdad is making dinner and …