Boo

It's Halloween here in the States, which means that kids all over will soon be knocking on doors looking for treats. I am not in the holiday spirit this year. Usually I paint a pumpkin and pass out allergen-free treats, but I just didn't get it together this year. I was going to pass out …

Draft

I finished the rough draft of my application essay for grad school! I also took a shower! Yay! My providers came together, (separately), to encourage me and that helped. I mean, I did it on my own, but the encouragement helped. So I'm proud of myself. I have to add a little to the draft …

Core

How do you change core beliefs? I know I was supposed to do that in CBT, but I think I missed a few. One of the major ones I'm struggling with is: I am broken. I'm positive this message has come from a variety of places and been reinforced throughout the years by many people, …

Freak

I feel like a total freak. Anxiety is through the roof. I keep crying. I hate when I get like this. It's like depression and anxiety are the twins of hell. They are seriously cramping my style. I have things I need to get done, and they are not happening. I have things I want …

Screening

I went to my rheumatologist today and he had one of those depression screening things for me to do. I declined it. I was kind of afraid that I would score too high and he would freak out. I couldn't remember the scoring on that particular form, and I didn't want to score too high. …

Scrubbing 🧽

I broke my six day shower drought. Super gross, I know. I was just in a funk- literally I guess. It feels good to be clean. I am glad I made myself do it. I did end up canceling the appointment I had this morning, though. I didn't want to go and I was really …

Unwell

Guys, I'm still sick...or I'm sick again. Something isn't right. I'm not sure what's exactly wrong. All I know is I couldn't stay awake yesterday to save my life. I felt woozy and weird and just out of sorts. I had a headache in the morning and then I just felt awful. I don't know …

Doing

I couldn't tell you what I'm doing today. I mean, I'm sort of half watching football, (the American kind), and half playing on my phone. I should be writing my personal statement for graduate school. I should be doing laundry. I should be DOING something. Except I'm not. I'm starting to wonder if I'm depressed …

Vulnerable

So I went to my therapist and decided to just be vulnerable and pour my heart out to her. I mean, it took me a while to get going, I'll admit, but she was sweet and had good advice. I shouldn't have expected anything different really. It was helpful. I need to go back to …

Stuff!

I have to go to therapy today and I'm trying to figure out what my best use of time is. I didn't do my homework because I've been super stressed about graduate school applications so we can't talk about my homework. Obviously, we can talk about the pressure of getting the applications done. I mean …