I’m unclear…

…as to what my purpose is. Not in an, “I don’t belong here anymore” kind of way, just in an “existential crisis” kind of way. I honestly have no idea what God or the universe has planned for me. It’s getting old. I’m getting old. For real. I have friends that have grandkids. I don’t …

At the doctor

I look awesome because I need a shower. I totally should have done that before I got here, but I couldn’t wake up in time and then I might have still been able to, but I just couldn’t make myself. Soooo…. Pony tail and new clothes and deodorant and a prayer that I don’t stink …

Day 2986

I seriously cannot tell you how discouraging it is to still be throwing up after being out of the hospital for four days. I can’t even hold water down this morning. It’s really annoying. I don’t want to go back to the hospital, so I’m just staying put. I decided that I need to go …

Kitty went to the vet…

…finally. I rescheduled her appointment three times and had a breakdown before this appointment, but we got there. She had to have her three year rabies vaccine. She doesn’t really go outside, ever, except on to the deck, but she does occasionally catch mice in the house so it seemed prudent to get the vaccine. …

Home.

I’m out of the hospital, finally. I still feel kind of terrible if I’m honest. I am so thirsty and I can’t seem to make the pain in my side calm down. I was on iv fluids until this morning, so now that I’m responsible for hydrating myself, I’m not doing quite as good of …

It’s official…

…I hate everything. I am sick. I’m tired of being in the hospital. I keep throwing up and being in pain. I am uncomfortable and angry and lonely. I am sad. I am tired. I just ate too much food trying to get the doctor off my back so he wouldn’t order a feeding tube. …

I work so hard to feel…

…like I have agency in my life, despite the issues I have with my mental and physical health. When people toss me around like I have no value or rights to self-determination, I get irritated. My nurse is lovely. My doctor is lovely. What they are not, either because they cannot, or because they choose …

Home and hiding

I’m in my room hiding in my bed. It’s safe and cozy and I have pretzels. I am going to have to seek out some water eventually, but for now I’m fine. I love my parents so much, but I just don’t feel up to “people-ing” right now. I am overwhelmed. I burnt myself out …

Going to bed early today

I’m at a hotel with my friend. We got here late last night and the place was booked! Thankfully, I had made my reservations before the ice storm so I didn’t have to worry about all the people lining up for hotels because they didn’t have power. I have an MRCRP, which is just a …

Giddy

I’m in such a good mood this morning! I got plenty of sleep and I have lots to do today. I’m with my friend and I have to get them motivated to get their stuff done so we can get out of town today. We are going to a concert that should be pretty fun, …