I'll be the first to admit that I've been chronically suicidal for over a decade. I've been on the fence about whether life was something worth living on a day-to-day basis and I never really saw myself getting older or needing to make plans for my future. Something in me has recently changed. I want … Continue reading Living


I just spent a couple of days in the hospital with pancreatitis. It sucked. What was honestly worse than the illness however, was the frustration I felt in dealing with the doctors on staff. I don't drink and I don't have a gall bladder, so the reason I got pancreatitis is not readily apparent. The … Continue reading Overshadowing


This will probably sound absolutely ridiculous, but I had a kind of epiphany during the past week. It all started when I changed the Headlight on my car by myself. I realized in that moment that I wasn't as helpless as I keep thinking I am. How did I get to this place, you ask? … Continue reading Identity


I have been battling stupid pancreatitis since Monday. No joke, I feel like crap on a stick. I am currently out and about, (as opposed to in the hospital), trying to get some errands done with my friend. Thankfully, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so he can run blood work and check where things … Continue reading Rough


I confess that there are days that I just don't want to be "mentally ill" anymore. I mean, I know that sounds a bit strange. Who wants this really, but I mean that in a real and true way. I just get tired of all of the trappings that come with living with bipolar disorder. … Continue reading Confession


My old therapist mailed me a "transfer of care" thing. It had a summary of what we had done in therapy together, but it also talked about how I started in DBT for four sessions before I decided not to continue. I think my new therapist decided, based on that, that I must have a … Continue reading Transfer


I successfully replaced the headlight on my car by myself! Yay me! I think I may have done it before a long time ago, but I have not done it in a very long time. I have been feeling helpless in most areas of my life for a considerable amount of time, so victories like … Continue reading Headlight


I had to take my mom to the emergency room last night. She had a really bad migraine, but it came on very suddenly and it wasn't like anything she'd had before, so she felt like it needed to be checked out. The doctors did two different kinds of CT scans and bloodwork to see … Continue reading Scary


When everything piles on my lap, the only thing I can do is take one thing at a time. It would be easy for me to be very overwhelmed right now, but I'm remembering to just take things one thing at a time. I am worried about a zillion things, but only one of those … Continue reading Lap