Tw: suicidal ideation
Soooo… I went to the emergency room this evening because I couldn’t take it anymore.
The doctors were super nice. The hospital social worker was really nice.
Get to the emergency mental health worker- who is also nice, but didn’t listen to me at all.
She actually said the words “ACT team” to me until I pointed out how ridiculous she was. Then she backed off.
I am like honestly so frustrated with the “system” at this point, (not counting my therapist who I love), that I am just kind of done with it.
I am not a fan of the crisis team- something this emergency mental health worker kept trying to cram down my throat.
I am not a fan of gatekeeping in general.
I know I’m not really safe.
Except, no one wants to listen to me.
It feels like I’m being pushed. And I am. I’m just not sure people realize that I am not necessarily able to be pushed well.
Or that I am currently able to go in the direction they want me to go in.
It doesn’t mean I’d do something just to “prove a point,” however life is past unmanageable.
I don’t know how to make it manageable.
I need help.
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