So weak!

I feel like a little fawn who is just starting to learn to stand up. My legs are so shaky. I was in that hospital bed for like nine days and didn’t move for another two when I got home because I just slept. I am trying to go downstairs to the kitchen more to …

I look crazy…

My ct scan came back normal. I am apparently not sick. Or I am, but my body doesn’t want to cooperate right now. I don’t know. Either way, I look crazy. I hate that word but I’m sure someone is applying it to me right now. I hate this. I was convinced they would find …

Not much sleep…

I think I got like four hours of sleep in total last night. I slept for a couple hours around nine and then for a couple more this morning before the lab came in to draw blood. I am now fully awake and ready for my day to day to start! I do feel slightly …

Virtual everything

I am in a funk. I didn’t make it to church this morning either. I completely slept through my alarm and slept until 1:15 PM. Oops. I can still watch church online, and I plan to, but I did both my dietican and therapy online this week too because I didn’t feel up to going …

Virtual reality

I really hate doing mental health appointments of any kind virtually. It’s harder to gauge body language and just what’s going on with the other person during conversations. I know I shouldn’t be worried about that, but my brain subconsciously picks up on all of those things and I adjust my mouth accordingly. Anyway, I …

Wiped out my week

I had a lot of appointments on Wednesday, but I cancelled all of them. I got home from the hospital today, but I’m still in pain and not feeling the best from the pancreatitis so I don’t want to have to drive anywhere. I might be on my feet enough to see my therapist in …

Thank goodness I have therapy today…

I am a little overwhelmed by how many times I’ve been in the hospital. Really. It feels like I’ve spent the last two months in there. I’m also worried about a friend who’s going through testing to see if they have pancreatic cancer. This person is not even 40 yet. It’s super scary. I am …

The 30th…

An experience from this year: I had some really profound moments in therapy this year. I figured out some things about myself that led to new directions and new goals. I am pretty grateful for the opportunity to go to therapy and for my therapist, who has helped me sort out a lot of difficult …

Rough health day

I had one of those days where I just didn’t feel well. I was very nauseated all day even though I doubled the dose of my nausea meds, (safely). I had some twinges of pain in my side like I have when I get “warning shots” from my pancreas before it goes nuclear with pancreatitis …

Honestly, I have hit the wall…

…of the amount of pain that I can be in and still keep a brave face. I went back to the stupid emergency room today because I had to use the double dose of pain meds three times and my doctor said if I had to do that then I had to go in. I …