Trying…

I have been crying all morning. I have no idea how to manage pancreatitis at home. I woke up dry heaving and feeling terrible. I don’t feel terrible “enough” to go back to the emergency room I guess, but I feel pretty awful. I am freezing, but I don’t have a fever. I am running …

Eight freaking hours!

Got my pancreatic enzymes checked, and guess what?? They were WAY too high again!! I was not crazy, I was SICK! No wonder I felt so bad. The thing is, I have now been in this emergency room waiting room for eight hours…and counting… I’ve already had a panic attack in front of everyone, (so …

Angry and sad

I am not in the hospital right now, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be there tomorrow. I have no idea what sets off these pancreatic attacks and why I keep ending up in the hospital. The last time was the third or fourth time this year. I’ve lost track now. I just know that …

I’m unclear…

…as to what my purpose is. Not in an, “I don’t belong here anymore” kind of way, just in an “existential crisis” kind of way. I honestly have no idea what God or the universe has planned for me. It’s getting old. I’m getting old. For real. I have friends that have grandkids. I don’t …

So I went shopping…

I didn’t go too crazy, though. I bought things on sale. That I actually needed. So it worked out. I mean, the jeans I bought ARE a tiny bit small, but the next size up was too big, so I’m in that weird in between place. I am determined to lose that five-ten pound difference …

Maybe I’ll just sleep today

I’m having sort of a rough day. I guess it’s just fall out from being in the hospital for so long. I don’t know. My bedroom is a pit and I don’t have the energy to do anything about it right now. I did finally manage to get my psych meds refilled, (I wasn’t out …

I made it through dinner

We had salmon, potatoes and green beans. It was okay, but I’m still just frustrated that I have to take these enzymes all through my meals. I can’t tell that they are making any difference at all, and the side effects are unpleasant. I am constantly in pain now. It doesn’t matter how much I …

Kind of having a bad day

Okay. So. I’ve been sick for two months pretty much. I’m tired. It’s played out. I know I’m supposed to be the “good little soldier” and no one likes to see sick people complain. WELL GUESS WHAT? I’m complaining. I have this STUPID med that I have to take throughout every meal that tastes awful …

Crash and burn

What goes up, must come down. My fun hypomanic episode has come to an end. It had to of course, but I’m seriously bummed. I hate depression. The hopelessness and the feeling that it’s never going to end, even though I know realistically that it will. I’m just tired of the ride. People say that …

Experiments with jello!

I tried to eat solid food for the first time since Wednesday morning. Oops!!!!! This particular experiment failed. I just cannot tolerate them as of yet. It’s going to be a problem down the road. I’m seriously frustrated with the word “diabetes” that keeps getting tossed around. Apparently, every time my pancreas acts up it …