Lobby

The lobby at my therapist's office is hot today. Oh my goodness. First I got hit on by some random guy kind of relentlessly, (until the receptionist saved me which was kind of funny), and then some other guy came in all loud talking about gang stuff and swearing at the top of his lungs. … Continue reading Lobby

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Therapy

Therapy went really well today. I appreciated that she helped me stay focused because I am not that way right now. It just went really well. It was really helpful. She is going to email me some things on how to deal with my core beliefs surrounding my inability to trust myself and my belief … Continue reading Therapy

Honesty

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ I have not been fully honest here on my blog about my mood I guess. Maybe I have. I feel sometimes like I need to censor the very worst for several reasons. First, I don't want some well-meaning person to think that I am suicidal and not telling providers. That is never … Continue reading Honesty

Beliefs

In therapy we talk about Core beliefs as a trigger for automatic thoughts. I have several core beliefs that get me into trouble, but the three I am aware of dealing with currently are: "I am helpless." "I am untrustworthy." "I am unlovable." I don't know or understand exactly what the process is for changing … Continue reading Beliefs

Prepared

I actually have my ducks in a row for therapy this morning. The last couple of weeks I have just kind of shown up without a real plan in place. That doesn't work out so well for me. My therapist is awesome and she always works with it, but it's just not the same as … Continue reading Prepared

Deprivation

Part of my therapy homework this week is to make a list of things that I am depriving myself of. Food is sort of obvious, but it's not the only thing. I've been denying myself trust in myself and therefore other people for a long time. This means that I've been denying myself of truly … Continue reading Deprivation

Best

I have the best Mentor type person. She is kind and compassionate, but she also holds me accountable when I need a kick in the butt. Really, this person already knows how much I appreciate them and I'm not going to blab all over my blog about her. However, I can say that I know … Continue reading Best

Knowing

It turns out that knowing something is probably going to happen, (or not happen), doesn't really make it any more fun when it happens, (or doesn't happen). I'm trying so hard to be "okay." I am sucking at it. I kind of needed a safe space to be a mess today. I am not helpless … Continue reading Knowing