Deinstitutionalization

When JFK signed the Community Mental Health Act in 1963, I don't think the current system, as it functions now, is what he had in mind. I use the word "functions" loosely. The ideas were lofty and well-intentioned: get people out of state-run institutions and back into their communities where they could be with family, friends …

Clock

...tick...tock... Time is moving so slowly. Friday needs to just get here. I have a DBT assessment on Friday and I am feeling all kinds of terrified, curious, frustrated, extorted, and anxious.  I mostly am just anxious though. I hate that it is on Friday. Every hour is passing like dripping molasses off of a …

Confession

I told my case manager that there has been weird paranoia stuff. She said I need to trust her. I really really really hope I can trust her not to flip out with this. I told her that.  It's not that I am losing touch with reality. I'm fully aware of how ridiculous I am …

Hospitalization #2

It seems as though perhaps a rundown of psych hospital admission could be useful for some people who have never experienced this joy.  Let me enlighten you.  How you arrive on a unit will largely depend on what brought you there and what kind of insurance you have. You may come through an ER (like …

Control

So my current trust issues are based in fear. Duh.  The fear is: not having control over my own life.  I said in Calmer that I don't trust. That's wrong. There are a handful of people I trust. I just want to be in control. There is a rather large difference.  I feel like I've lost so much …

Hospoetry

I wrote some poems in the hospital this time. Weirdly, I wrote them before everything hit the fan, but I am still really happy I wrote them. I know I sort of jokingly posted the poems I wrote when I was 19 or whatever, but those were the last poems I was ever able to …

Voiceless

I know I promised more details from the hospital. Don't worry. I'll get there.  I'm just wallowing a little tonight.  I want to share all of the details about why I feel like I don't have Agency or a Voice in the mental health System right now, and I just feel like I can't. I …

Hospitalization #1

Just a quick note to say I'm back. I feel much better. Mental health vacays are sometimes necessary. This one had some interesting consequences, which I will delve into in my next post.  No med changes, lots of personal reflection. I was even able to write some (admittedly questionable), poetry for the first time in …

MIA

be back soon. going to take care of myself for a bit...

Hours

So I've been in the ER for 12 hours now waiting for a psych bed. The good news is that I am likely to go the hospital I don't mind.  I clearly need it. I can't make my brain work.  I am scared and uncomfortable with the idea of someone else playing with my meds …