I got some sleep

Despite being really upset, I managed to fall asleep and stay that way. I think the hot bath I took last night helped calm me down. One of my friends told me how my friend ended her life. Not sharing that here. I was just better off not knowing. I am trying to be okay. …

LOCUS

They have this thing here at your annual review with the community mental health agency called “LOCUS.” It’s the worst thing in the world. Stupid people who have no familiarity with your case get on a call with you and your therapist or case manager or whomever and ask you questions about how you’re doing. …

Another call into my psych

I called my psych’s office again this morning. I realized that my “safety plan” from last week’s ER visit was for me to call her. Oops. I talked to the nurse this morning and I relayed that I was sinking again. The nurse said that my PA has no appointments available between now and when …

Whew. Therapy day.

While I don’t feel as terrible as I did on Tuesday, I am still really grateful that I get to see my therapist today. I am still struggling with anxiety a lot and reeling a little from my visit to the emergency room. I talked to a friend today though, and talking to her reminded …

I have no words

I mean, clearly I do or I wouldn’t be writing, but it’s very hard. I was flying so high yesterday after days of inadequate sleep and at the same time horrifically depressed and scared that I went to the local emergency room. I seriously probably just needed someone to come chill and talk to me, …

Four-thirty

I’ve been awake for over 24 hours. It’s 4:30 am and I’m wondering what the heck is going on. I am feeling a little tired now so I might actually be able to sleep for four hours before I have to get up to run errands. It’s kind of ridiculous. I think I’ve gone 24 …

Psych called back…

….and she did what I expected. She pulled my newer antidepressant. She also put me on biweekly prescription pickups, which I freaking hate. It encourages helplessness and does me no good. I’ve repeatedly told her I would not harm myself with her meds. She said she believes me. She said she knows. She said it’s …

Made the call to psych

I called my psych’s office and left a message for the nurses after messaging with my therapist. It’s pretty obvious that something not so good is happening. I read my journal from yesterday and realized that I was irritable. Then this morning I am literally talking to whomever will talk to me. I don’t think …

Didn’t sleep well.

I went to bed at my usual time, but I slept like crap. Depression is crap. I am just really struggling, and sleep is now becoming an issue. I think it’s also anxiety because I am really anxious about therapy today. I know she’s going to confront me about Sunday, and I know that because …

Back to reality today

It was a nice day and a half, but I have to go back home today. I emailed some people at my school. We’ll see what kind of reaction I get. I told them there was a medical emergency. It isn’t like that isn’t true. I am freaking out. I have decided I have to …