Fence

I'm sitting on the fence today on whether I want to be productive, or whether I just want to wallow in this miserable mood I find myself in. There are definitely things I should be doing. I kind of don't want to. I know I will feel better if I do them. I really kind …

Woozy 🥴

I feel like I'm spinning. I don't really know why. I just don't feel well. My head kind of hurts and my stomach is upset. I'm supposed to have therapy today, but honestly I don't think I can make it. I feel very guilty. I'm trying to work out in my head how I can …

Paradox

I am beyond tired. I am also having an impossible time falling asleep. I think I'm anxious about therapy tomorrow. I don't know why. I like her. I don't know what my problem is. I mean, maybe it's because I feel woefully unprepared. I haven't worked in the workbook we stared working on for a …

Draft

I finished the rough draft of my application essay for grad school! I also took a shower! Yay! My providers came together, (separately), to encourage me and that helped. I mean, I did it on my own, but the encouragement helped. So I'm proud of myself. I have to add a little to the draft …

Freak

I feel like a total freak. Anxiety is through the roof. I keep crying. I hate when I get like this. It's like depression and anxiety are the twins of hell. They are seriously cramping my style. I have things I need to get done, and they are not happening. I have things I want …

Screening

I went to my rheumatologist today and he had one of those depression screening things for me to do. I declined it. I was kind of afraid that I would score too high and he would freak out. I couldn't remember the scoring on that particular form, and I didn't want to score too high. …

Vulnerable

So I went to my therapist and decided to just be vulnerable and pour my heart out to her. I mean, it took me a while to get going, I'll admit, but she was sweet and had good advice. I shouldn't have expected anything different really. It was helpful. I need to go back to …

Stuff!

I have to go to therapy today and I'm trying to figure out what my best use of time is. I didn't do my homework because I've been super stressed about graduate school applications so we can't talk about my homework. Obviously, we can talk about the pressure of getting the applications done. I mean …

Cake 🍰

Went to therapy today and felt a little superficial. That's why Marie Antoinette is the photo today. I can't really explain why I couldn't get under the surface. I mean, I sort of did. We talked about the book I read last week that she gave me on emotionally absent mothers and how much I …

D-r-a-g-g-i-n-g

I know that I'm a work in progress. I'm trying really hard. Lots of things have been changing around me. Aside from the dramatic changes in my environment, I'm getting used to med changes and changes with my providers. I still see my therapist once a week and that's really helpful, but I now see …