Saint Patrick’s Day

I’m aware that Americans make a ridiculous deal about this holiday. I used to go to a university where the school colors were green and white and where it was a tradition to kill your liver on this day. People would line up for the pubs and bars as early as 3-4 am the night …

Oh my!

I was going to spend the night at my friend’s house since it is quite a drive to get there and I don’t have an appointment again until tomorrow afternoon, but I realized I left my meds at home by mistake. Oops! Sooooo… I helped my friend take their dog to the veterinarian and then …

At the doctor

I look awesome because I need a shower. I totally should have done that before I got here, but I couldn’t wake up in time and then I might have still been able to, but I just couldn’t make myself. Soooo…. Pony tail and new clothes and deodorant and a prayer that I don’t stink …

How do you help?

This is a for real honest question. One of my dearest friends has been hearing voices and having persecutory delusions that just aren’t true. They started kind of slowly two years ago and have been bad on and off since. Other friends and I have almost lost this person to scary suicide attempts twice in …

I work so hard to feel…

…like I have agency in my life, despite the issues I have with my mental and physical health. When people toss me around like I have no value or rights to self-determination, I get irritated. My nurse is lovely. My doctor is lovely. What they are not, either because they cannot, or because they choose …

I don’t wanna

I’m supposed to go vacuum the church this morning. I also need to find my friend a birthday present. I’m just kind of not having it this morning. I got plenty of sleep. Took my meds. Whatever. I just don’t want to. I feel depressed. I don’t feel okay. I just want to be in …

Home and hiding

I’m in my room hiding in my bed. It’s safe and cozy and I have pretzels. I am going to have to seek out some water eventually, but for now I’m fine. I love my parents so much, but I just don’t feel up to “people-ing” right now. I am overwhelmed. I burnt myself out …

Stressed

I’m trying to pack for the weekend this morning and I should have done it last night. I’m trying to get it done before I go to therapy so I can keep driving to my friend’s house from there. My friend is going with me to a concert out of town this weekend and then …

Masking

I am so very talented at masking my emotions, even from myself. What I mean by that is, I tend to not even notice that I’m not feeling anything, at least not anything deeply, unless it’s really profound or I’m very vulnerable to emotion for some reason. It’s especially true if I’m with someone who …

Do I dare venture out today?

Everything is coated in ice. It’s actually really beautiful. The scary thing is that there are many many power lines and trees down all over and I’m not sure if my road to the main road is clear. I want to go help out a friend, and I am pretty sure that if I can …