Feeling self destructive

Tw. Obviously.

I am just feeling like going and spending a bunch of money or going and getting wasted.

If I knew where to get my hands on my former drugs of choice I’d be doing that. Thankfully, I was never responsible for procuring those to begin with so I wouldn’t know where to start looking. AND it’s been a couple of decades…

I just don’t feel okay.

I feel… not suicidal. Not that. Just… reckless.

I just want to be numb.

I don’t get to be that, so I have to come up with some way to cope. I made some art last night. I tried to talk to some friends.

I’m going to meet a friend for lunch today, and we ARE going craft and book shopping, but those are things I need for self care and I have her to make sure I don’t go overboard.

So… I’m trying.

I’m just miserable.

Hopefully, my therapist can squeeze me in this week even though I was supposed to be gone. What a mess.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Feeling self destructive

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