Abandoned on repeat

I am trying to be “okay.”

I’m not.

I have so much trauma stuff with both of my parents, especially surrounding abandonment and neglect that when my Dad pulls stupid stunts like he did on Friday, I’m not okay.

On the surface, I should just be understanding that my stepmom needs time.

Sadly, nothing is on the surface with my Dad or my stepmom.

I don’t trust either one of them. My Dad has a long history of lying to me and my stepmom is pretty manipulative and comes from a family of extremely manipulative people who hate me.

I’ve dealt with them my entire life. My dad dated her cousin before he married my stepmom and that woman was even worse. Neither of them liked me, and I was just a little kid then. I didn’t pose a threat to anyone.

My dad left me to be with the cousin though. He left town and moved as far away across the country as he could. He never made any effort to see me, (my MOM bought the only plane ticket that ever was for me to fly out there for what turned out to be a disastrous visit), and then he came back briefly only to move away again to be with my stepmom.

It’s a mess.

Through all of this, my mom was never really present. She worked and was busy with her new husband. I didn’t have a family. I was frequently left on my own.

So… what may seem like a simple single event, is not.

It brings up decades of garbage.

It reminds me how unwanted I am. I am also fat and unwanted.

I just… it’s not important.

Original artwork by me.

2 thoughts on “Abandoned on repeat

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