Flawless

I hold myself to impossible standards. When I inevitably can’t meet those, then I historically throw my hands up in the air and fold up.

I had a rough night last night. I legitimately scared myself for a while, and I was really struggling. I just sort of dealt with it by going to bed at 7:30/8:00 (which meant I was awake at midnight for a couple of hours), but it was unsettling without going into too many details.

I think the art class and my inability to draw a stupid cube the way I wanted to is what kicked off this whole thing yesterday. I know that sounds trivial, but it was a big deal to me, and so it stressed me out.

So many things currently that are causing me trouble are tied to this perfectionism thing. I need to find a way to let go of it. I’m clearly so very not perfect, so I’m not sure why I’m trying to be.

I don’t expect other people to be. I have all kinds of room for other people. I really do. I don’t expect perfection out of others. I will let other people walk all the hell over me, in fact.

Maybe that’s something else again. I don’t know. I just know I have a lot of patience for other people that I do not have for myself.

It’s something I’m trying to work on in therapy and with myself. I need to get better at it faster.

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