Flawless

I hold myself to impossible standards. When I inevitably can’t meet those, then I historically throw my hands up in the air and fold up.

I had a rough night last night. I legitimately scared myself for a while, and I was really struggling. I just sort of dealt with it by going to bed at 7:30/8:00 (which meant I was awake at midnight for a couple of hours), but it was unsettling without going into too many details.

I think the art class and my inability to draw a stupid cube the way I wanted to is what kicked off this whole thing yesterday. I know that sounds trivial, but it was a big deal to me, and so it stressed me out.

So many things currently that are causing me trouble are tied to this perfectionism thing. I need to find a way to let go of it. I’m clearly so very not perfect, so I’m not sure why I’m trying to be.

I don’t expect other people to be. I have all kinds of room for other people. I really do. I don’t expect perfection out of others. I will let other people walk all the hell over me, in fact.

Maybe that’s something else again. I don’t know. I just know I have a lot of patience for other people that I do not have for myself.

It’s something I’m trying to work on in therapy and with myself. I need to get better at it faster.

Image from wikimedia

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Flawless

  1. I can totally relate & empathize with you Kimberly. You live in a world dominated by your bipolar.
    I have days when it’s just too difficult to even get out of bed to go to the bathroom & very depressed, crying a lot. Then while manic I’ll be trying to do 20 different tasks at once, going 100 mph, yelling at people, unable to sit down. The worst part for me is the constant barrage of unwelcome, unpleasant & horrible thoughts that continue unabated in my head, can’t shut them off.
    I’ve tried explaining to my wife who is very stable & mentally healthy what it’s like living with bipolar but unless you have it you really don’t know the nightmare of it.
    I’m seeing a new psych doc soon so praying l can find peace with good meds & therapy.
    I hope & pray for you too Kimberly to find peace & balance in your life & an end to the day after day struggle & despair. Hang in there! Michael

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s