Nervous about Nutritionist

Tw: for discussion of eating disorder stuff

Today I finally have my appointment with my nutritionist/dietician.

She specializes in eating disorders.

I made it 3.5 weeks ago when I was living on 800 calories a day.

I had the thing with my dad happen, and then I started reverting back to old eating patterns of binging and eating totally unhealthy foods.

Then I sort of regulated it a little, and then I went on vacay with a friend who has her own issues with food.

So, it has been really challenging.

I lost a little over ten pounds the first two weeks of my issues and I have kept most of that (minus a couple) off, but I haven’t been keeping up with food logs etc.

I should have. It would have made it a lot easier today.

I’m just nervous to see her because I saw her a few years ago and I know what the assessment is like.

It’s challenging even though she is SUPER nice.

This is also coming at a time where I’m trying to just maintain my emotional stability. I’m not doing a great job at doing that. I mean, I’ve done worse, a lot worse, but I could be doing better.

I’m hoping however, that since I am morbidly obese, that she can help me to lose weight in a reasonable and healthy way. I need to “see” myself realistically and deal with it accordingly.

I don’t know. I mean, I could be in worse shape or have worse problems.

I just want to not be overweight anymore, and I don’t know what that means for me.

I know I’d be dead at what the BMI chart says I should be at. People around me were getting concerned when I was well over that last time I dropped all the weight.

It’s just hard because I want to be “pretty.”

That’s vain, I know.

I just never really have been considered that.

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