Booked

I went to my support group… for a hot second.

I didn’t really want to participate in the large group tonight because the topic was really, “what should we do for topics in the future?” and I was experiencing ridiculous anxiety so sitting through that wasn’t exactly going to distract me.

I brought my journal and I was going to try to write in it and stay for small group, but I couldn’t make myself due to all kinds of reasons.

I just booked out of there.

I feel terrible tonight. I’m really struggling.

I was accused today of seeming like “everything’s fine” and maybe I do on the outside. I think that’s a coping skill. I’m not especially good at being vulnerable and I am not especially good at letting people see me crumble.

I am crumbling though. My heart is broken. My soul aches and I keep having nightmares and blistering headaches.

I hate this.

Image cited somewhere else on my blog.