Doing

I couldn’t tell you what I’m doing today. I mean, I’m sort of half watching football, (the American kind), and half playing on my phone.

I should be writing my personal statement for graduate school.

I should be doing laundry.

I should be DOING something.

Except I’m not.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m depressed and I just can’t seem to shake it. I don’t know. I’m trying to kind of fake it or whatever, because I really don’t want to admit that I’m a slave to medication, but I might be.

I am not really happy about that.

I can’t tell if this is situational or just me because lots has been happening. I can’t tell if I’d be coping with it better if I were more adequately medicated… maybe I’d care less.

I am frustrated.

I just feel like I should be doing things and I’m not. I don’t have the energy or gumption to do them either.

I am drowning… and freaking out about it.

I’m not okay.

Image from Pixabay.

5 thoughts on “Doing

  1. Hang on in there, try not to get caught up in self-critical talk about what you should be doing. If you’re having an off day then let it go and try again tomorrow, if you think you need more meds then go for it, whatever it takes to keep you on a level.
    Take care x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Karen. I’ve been trying to just rest. I’ll reassess the med thing next week.

      You’re right, of course, that I need to just let it be what it is.

      Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have found that sometimes I get caught up in the depressive state, but while I am not depressed. I know that makes no sense. I kinda of get comfortable in the “doing nothing” part of the depressive state? And then I get like you, “I should be doing…SOMETHING” I just recognize that I should be doing something, and if I can, I do something small. Like, cleaning off the counter. Sometimes that is enough to get me moving onto other small things, increasing size of projects as I go. Othertimes, not so much. The good thing is that you have recognized you should be doing something. Try not to dwell too much on the why your not doing anything, and just start with something small. It is so easy to get cauht up in the WHY, because we want to understand the process so we can avoid or fix if it happens again. Whatever you decide to do, be gentle to yourself. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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