When does quirkily mentally ill turn into madness?
Somewhere around where I am now.
My thoughts are flying. They are coming so fast, so many at a time, and so loudly (but not as voices), that I can’t keep up with them. It’s just kind of this blurry swirling tornado of thoughts that keep bombarding me. I am almost undone by it.
Blasting loud music kind of keeps it at bay a bit, the art helps, but nothing is really providing much relief.
Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by. Last night was less than 4 hours and I am not even tired.
Now the mild paranoia is starting. I’m also starting to see shadows out of the corners my eye.
Unfortunately, my current treatment team has not seen me like this before so they don’t know that this can happen to me. It’s a rare event. I haven’t been this bad in several years. I feel very much like they are seeing a picture that is not complete. I’m not sure I can complete it either.
So I guess we just see where this goes. I am really hoping the new med catches up with this before I lose my mind for real. I feel like I am slipping. It’s terrifying to watch yourself losing grip on reality and not be able to control it. I know there is nothing in the shadows. I still feel very much like there is. I know no one is hiding in the backseat of my car. I still had to check twice to make sure on my way home tonight.
I hate the madness.