Trepidation

I’m suddenly very anxious about the new year. I don’t really understand why except for the fact that I hate change.

It’s a date though. Am I really so adverse to change that a calendar change is causing me anxiety?

I don’t think that’s it. There’s a lot of things coming up in January that might answer some questions for me or start new adventures and I’m sort of unsettled about them.

I have too many medical appointments to list really, but I meet with cardiology, neurology, have a med review, and some other medical tests. I don’t really know what the outcome of any of that stuff will be because so much of it is interdependent.

I start an art class during the second week of January that goes for 12 weeks. I’m excited, but really nervous. I don’t want to let anyone down, especially me, and I want to complete the class to prove to myself that I can do that. I have such a spotty track record with those kinds of things, it’s a huge risk. I’m honestly terrified.

There’s also a reasonable chance that sometime this year an apartment could open up at one of the places I applied to and I will be faced with that decision in a short amount of time. I get so terrified when I am alone, I don’t know if I can do it. If I can’t though, I don’t know what that means for my future, so I mean, I might have to try.

It’s just a scary upcoming year. Maybe a great one.

I just don’t know.

Image from Pixabay