Terrified

Today is not a good day.

I have been in tears since yesterday afternoon.

I am so sick.

I don’t know how long I can manage this intensity of illness.

I feel so nauseated and I’m in so much pain.

I don’t know how to live like this.

My dad is coming and while I’m super excited, it’s tempered by the fact that I need to be in my bed.

I don’t really know how I’m going to survive.

I hate everything.

My friend has to come from half an hour away to drive me to my doctors appointment because I’m on medication and my mom just had surgery yesterday so my stepdad can’t leave her alone.

It’s a mess.

I can’t even make myself get into a much needed shower because I am so sick.

If I had known I was going to feel this terrible when they discharged me from the hospital, I would have screamed bloody murder and refused to leave. For real.

I just didn’t calculate how many meds I was getting in hospital vs how many I had at home.

So yeah.

I’m frustrated, scared, and very sick.

I am not a danger to myself because that wouldn’t really make much better for my family and I honestly couldn’t do that to them.

I just need a solution. Even if it’s me living in the hospital.

Please pray for me.

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