Beginning

This requires a TW: SUICIDE This is also LONG. I realized I have yet to tell my "diagnosis story" with any kind of detail. Here goes. I think I really started showing symptoms by age 11 or 12. I can remember crying at night with my Mom for no reason. I blamed family members, I …

Tried and true

What are your favorite emojis? I have to be honest here. I’m definitely solidly gen X on this one. I don’t really use emojis that often unless it’s to replace a certain swear word when I’m talking to my friend that has kids, (they can occasionally read her messages on her iPad). I also use …

Changes

What topics do you like to discuss? I will talk about anything under the sun. However, when it comes to “discussions,” my tastes have changed over the years. In my twenties, I enjoyed animated political discussions more than anything. Now, in my mid 40’s, I have mellowed out and I could honestly do without them …

Out of time

I slept in this morning thinking that it was Saturday. OOPS! Everyone in my family knows that I have therapy at noon. EVERYONE. It’s in the calendar. It happens every week. Did they wake me up when I was sleeping at 11:15? NOPE! Thank goodness my friend texted me at 11:20. I was out of …

Access

I have a stupid toothache. I have been trying to get into the dentist for a freaking year. Every time I call to schedule, they are so booked that I cannot even get an appointment. Finally, I called the other day and got one for the end of June, but apparently I jinxed myself because …

I wasn’t ready

So I’m all cozy about ready to head off to sleepy land when my friend who has been in the hospital for a week calls me and says they are discharging her today. Thankfully, our mutual friend is at the hospital and can bring her to my house because I am not allowed to drive …

Morning

When is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out? This morning I had an endoscopic ultrasound. The doctor wanted to do it because I have had pancreatitis so many times. I have had one done before, and nothing bad happened then, but not with this doctor. I had not met …

Nervous

My psych cut my antidepressant in half and I started the new dose on Monday. The antidepressant I’m on has a 60+ hour half-life so I won’t notice a difference, (if I notice one), for a few days, but I’m honestly just kind of terrified. We did it to lessen the chance of the med …

So high school

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret. I was not really bullied through school. I had a lot of friends and was part of several social groups, including the “popular” kids in retrospect. I also didn’t struggle academically. School was easy, if not terribly boring. I just hated it. By the time …

Cardiology

I have a cardiology appointment this afternoon. It’s kind of a “just in case” one year follow up. I see him because I had some palpitations a few years ago and because I have a family history of people keeling over at young ages from heart attacks. It’s best just to stay in touch. This …

Cloudy

How do you unwind after a demanding day? Okay. Not super proud of this, but my big way of relaxing and trying to unwind involves my (nicotine) vape and just chilling. I gave up cigarettes a couple of years ago and transitioned to a vape thinking that would help me quit. It did get me …