I have a loud sort of friend who often yells, "I'm going into the Bubble!" when she is overwhelmed or annoyed. Her "protective bubble" however, is much like its namesake, thin and transparent, providing her with some temporary air space and elbow room before it pops. I don't have a bubble, I have a carefully … Continue reading Fortified


I feel like it's obligatory to review and reflect upon the past year. It's definitely been a year of mixed blessings. I've had a challenging year full of pitfalls and traumatic mood episodes, but it's also been a year of connections with great friends, providers, and personal growth. Over half of the year has been … Continue reading Review


Someday I am going to be free of all of this. Not just in the next life, but in this one. I sometimes struggle with faith in all corners of that, but I have to believe it in order to keep going. Someday my sails will Unfurl and I will find the freedom of the open … Continue reading Someday


Wow.  So while today's psychiatry visit was a success, the therapy appointment...not so much. It wasn't even that I didn't like her, I actually did.  I think in any other setting, in any other form of therapy, this woman would be the best kind of therapist for me.  Sadly, this is DBT and she is … Continue reading Misguided?


"Start believing in dreams and others will catch the fever." That was my fortune in my cookie after dinner tonight.  It made me wonder how my cookie knew I am not believing in dreams... In seriousness, it isn't bad advice. As I've said in an earlier post, I want to believe that recovery and a … Continue reading Fortune 


I thought about it today, and perhaps I should have called the DBT coaching line yesterday.  The thing about that though is that any one of nine clinicians could have called me back and I have met one of them for twenty minutes.  I haven't even met my therapist yet.  I have these massive trust … Continue reading Coaching


It was pointed out to me that I am making progress. This is actually something that I hilariously argued (and beleived when I argued it) just a few days ago.  I actually do think that I am making progress. I can see it. The last six months have been so rough and have maybe outwardly … Continue reading Progress 


This is not even a tenth of what I am currently ignoring in terms of feelings, but I did realize something. Fear is, of course, hiding over there.  When I look at this particular fear, it's now about the DBT from a different angle. Apparently I am now invested in this process for me. That is … Continue reading Investment


This is a great book. The main character, Milo, goes off on an adventure and reaches this area called "The Doldrums" where he meets people known as the Lethargians who don't think or laugh. It's supposed to be a place where people who daydream too much get stuck. Our hero figures out he has to … Continue reading Doldrums


The sun came up. It went better than I thought and I was able to mostly advocate for what I needed. I am glad my case manager was there for the courage aspect though. I was terrified. Really.  I might be able to do 1:1 only for at least a while before I have to … Continue reading Today