I am so glad I had therapy today. I talked to her about being in the hospital and how I basically just disassociated to survive being in there. She was glad I got out when I did because she agreed with me that I probably would have just gotten worse had I stayed in there. … Continue reading Therapy was so helpful today
Tag: Mixed Episode
Diagnosis: Mixed
I just realized today that the psychiatrist at the hospital diagnosed me as being in a severe mixed episode without psychotic features. Seriously. That man does not know what a mixed episode looks like I promise. I am not mixed. I know when I am mixed. I am absolutely miserable when I am that way … Continue reading Diagnosis: Mixed
Questionable today…
I woke up tired. I hate that. I had dreams all night long because I’m really anxious about therapy today. Not only do I have to eat something triggering with her, I also have to talk to her about how I am afraid to call coaching now. I know one of her staff from a … Continue reading Questionable today…
Awake for two days…
Except for a couple of naps, I’ve been awake for two days. I don’t really know what has brought this change. I’m not sure if it’s the change in weather or a delayed reaction to daylight saving time… I just know it’s miserable. I don’t feel particularly manic, but I mean, I can see some … Continue reading Awake for two days…
All-nighter
I can’t find the “off” switch. I’ve been awake since 10:30 a.m. yesterday and it’s nearly 1:00 p.m. now. I am tired, but not sleepy. I think I can count the number of times I have been able to stay up all night long, (even when manic), on less than one hand. I am kind … Continue reading All-nighter
Still awake…
…and I’m so excited about it! Just kidding. It’s 4 a.m. here and I cannot get to sleep. I’m very frustrated. I have therapy today so I need to get some sleep before that. I am completely useless without sleep and I don’t want lack of sleep to sort of occlude the real issues going … Continue reading Still awake…
Can’t stop the racing thoughts…
…and it’s super annoying. Why are my thoughts racing when I’m horrifically depressed? I’m assuming it’s some kind of mixed depression thing. I’m also having a hard time sleeping most nights. Then sometimes I sleep so much I can’t get myself to wake up when I need to. So who knows? I just know that … Continue reading Can’t stop the racing thoughts…
Taking a day.
Taking a day to put out fires and just relax. I’m thinking seriously about what my next steps are. Maybe I can do this grad program with a little bit of work on myself. Maybe I can’t. Maybe I can work a little job to start. Maybe I can’t. In any case, I’m just gonna … Continue reading Taking a day.
I have no words
I mean, clearly I do or I wouldn’t be writing, but it’s very hard. I was flying so high yesterday after days of inadequate sleep and at the same time horrifically depressed and scared that I went to the local emergency room. I seriously probably just needed someone to come chill and talk to me, … Continue reading I have no words
Not only…
…do I have to take this furball to her well check vet visit in five hours, I have to meet with my professor later this afternoon on zoom to discuss my incomplete. I have zero clues how I am going to appear sane doing that. He will know something is wrong. I am not prepared … Continue reading Not only…