The 10th…

A favorite memory? I think, while again it is incredibly difficult to choose, I’ll try to pick just the one… I pick birthdays with my mom as a kid for my favorite “together time.” She made yummy snacks that most moms didn’t the patience for, and was into making everything a teachable moment. Really though, … Continue reading The 10th…

Therapy was so helpful today

I am so glad I had therapy today. I talked to her about being in the hospital and how I basically just disassociated to survive being in there. She was glad I got out when I did because she agreed with me that I probably would have just gotten worse had I stayed in there. … Continue reading Therapy was so helpful today

Diagnosis: Mixed

I just realized today that the psychiatrist at the hospital diagnosed me as being in a severe mixed episode without psychotic features. Seriously. That man does not know what a mixed episode looks like I promise. I am not mixed. I know when I am mixed. I am absolutely miserable when I am that way … Continue reading Diagnosis: Mixed

All-nighter

I can’t find the “off” switch. I’ve been awake since 10:30 a.m. yesterday and it’s nearly 1:00 p.m. now. I am tired, but not sleepy. I think I can count the number of times I have been able to stay up all night long, (even when manic), on less than one hand. I am kind … Continue reading All-nighter

Still awake…

…and I’m so excited about it! Just kidding. It’s 4 a.m. here and I cannot get to sleep. I’m very frustrated. I have therapy today so I need to get some sleep before that. I am completely useless without sleep and I don’t want lack of sleep to sort of occlude the real issues going … Continue reading Still awake…

Taking a day.

Taking a day to put out fires and just relax. I’m thinking seriously about what my next steps are. Maybe I can do this grad program with a little bit of work on myself. Maybe I can’t. Maybe I can work a little job to start. Maybe I can’t. In any case, I’m just gonna … Continue reading Taking a day.

I have no words

I mean, clearly I do or I wouldn’t be writing, but it’s very hard. I was flying so high yesterday after days of inadequate sleep and at the same time horrifically depressed and scared that I went to the local emergency room. I seriously probably just needed someone to come chill and talk to me, … Continue reading I have no words