Impulsivity

I feel impulsive, and not in a fun, “let’s go party!” way, although I guess I would be up for that too. I have been feeling this way since Tuesday at least. I went shopping when I shouldn’t have and bought things I could use, but didn’t have to have. I have talked to nearly …

Not much sleep…

I think I got like four hours of sleep in total last night. I slept for a couple hours around nine and then for a couple more this morning before the lab came in to draw blood. I am now fully awake and ready for my day to day to start! I do feel slightly …

The 10th…

A favorite memory? I think, while again it is incredibly difficult to choose, I’ll try to pick just the one… I pick birthdays with my mom as a kid for my favorite “together time.” She made yummy snacks that most moms didn’t the patience for, and was into making everything a teachable moment. Really though, …

Therapy was so helpful today

I am so glad I had therapy today. I talked to her about being in the hospital and how I basically just disassociated to survive being in there. She was glad I got out when I did because she agreed with me that I probably would have just gotten worse had I stayed in there. …

Diagnosis: Mixed

I just realized today that the psychiatrist at the hospital diagnosed me as being in a severe mixed episode without psychotic features. Seriously. That man does not know what a mixed episode looks like I promise. I am not mixed. I know when I am mixed. I am absolutely miserable when I am that way …

Questionable today…

I woke up tired. I hate that. I had dreams all night long because I’m really anxious about therapy today. Not only do I have to eat something triggering with her, I also have to talk to her about how I am afraid to call coaching now. I know one of her staff from a …

Awake for two days…

Except for a couple of naps, I’ve been awake for two days. I don’t really know what has brought this change. I’m not sure if it’s the change in weather or a delayed reaction to daylight saving time… I just know it’s miserable. I don’t feel particularly manic, but I mean, I can see some …

All-nighter

I can’t find the “off” switch. I’ve been awake since 10:30 a.m. yesterday and it’s nearly 1:00 p.m. now. I am tired, but not sleepy. I think I can count the number of times I have been able to stay up all night long, (even when manic), on less than one hand. I am kind …

Still awake…

…and I’m so excited about it! Just kidding. It’s 4 a.m. here and I cannot get to sleep. I’m very frustrated. I have therapy today so I need to get some sleep before that. I am completely useless without sleep and I don’t want lack of sleep to sort of occlude the real issues going …

Can’t stop the racing thoughts…

…and it’s super annoying. Why are my thoughts racing when I’m horrifically depressed? I’m assuming it’s some kind of mixed depression thing. I’m also having a hard time sleeping most nights. Then sometimes I sleep so much I can’t get myself to wake up when I need to. So who knows? I just know that …