Reminder…

Quote: Don't give up on the person you are becoming. I needed this.

Uncertain

I have to be honest. I talk a good game, but I have no idea if I'm ready to go back to work. The closer the reality of that gets, the more I'm like... nah. I can't do that. I'm not really worried about school. Maybe because it's far enough away. Work though... woah. I … Continue reading Uncertain

Leaves!

It's fall and there are leaves everywhere! I saw a meme about how trees drop their leaves and go through cycles of rebirth and so do we and I thought it was poetic. My case manager has me set for graduation from case management sometime in the spring and I hope I'm ready. I'm really … Continue reading Leaves!

Paradox

I am beyond tired. I am also having an impossible time falling asleep. I think I'm anxious about therapy tomorrow. I don't know why. I like her. I don't know what my problem is. I mean, maybe it's because I feel woefully unprepared. I haven't worked in the workbook we stared working on for a … Continue reading Paradox

Knowing

I saw my primary care today and he doesn't know what's making me sick either. He said my lab tests are showing some inflammation and he ordered a ct scan so maybe that will show something. Meanwhile, I guess maybe being sick explains some of my depression issues as of late. I usually struggle with … Continue reading Knowing

Core

How do you change core beliefs? I know I was supposed to do that in CBT, but I think I missed a few. One of the major ones I'm struggling with is: I am broken. I'm positive this message has come from a variety of places and been reinforced throughout the years by many people, … Continue reading Core

Vulnerable

So I went to my therapist and decided to just be vulnerable and pour my heart out to her. I mean, it took me a while to get going, I'll admit, but she was sweet and had good advice. I shouldn't have expected anything different really. It was helpful. I need to go back to … Continue reading Vulnerable

Stuff!

I have to go to therapy today and I'm trying to figure out what my best use of time is. I didn't do my homework because I've been super stressed about graduate school applications so we can't talk about my homework. Obviously, we can talk about the pressure of getting the applications done. I mean … Continue reading Stuff!

Voice

I let my voice be muffled out by my anxiety. I am good at doing that. I was trying to write a personal statement thing for graduate school, although it's slightly more complicated because they have a set of questions I have to answer, and I was letting my voice get lost in the shuffle. … Continue reading Voice

Panic!

I feel like an imposter. I can write a bunch about how I am going to go back to work or go to graduate school, but really I'm just terrified. I tried to start writing my personal statement today and I had to stop. I couldn't keep going because my mind was everywhere and it … Continue reading Panic!