Trying to be okay

I am on the struggle bus today. My hair is terrible because our hot water heater has been down for a couple of days, (the guys are here now replacing it). I have been trying to keep it together for my mom and my stepdad because they are stressed out and it’s hard on them …

When I don’t wanna stress…

…but I clearly am anyway, My stepdad is buzzing around the house because we don’t have hot water. I think I solved that with him this morning and freed him from the box that he was thinking in. Allegedly, the different plumbing company is coming tomorrow afternoon with a new hot water heater of the …

I’m unclear…

…as to what my purpose is. Not in an, “I don’t belong here anymore” kind of way, just in an “existential crisis” kind of way. I honestly have no idea what God or the universe has planned for me. It’s getting old. I’m getting old. For real. I have friends that have grandkids. I don’t …

When water heaters explode!

I’ve been telling my stepdad that the hot water in the shower has not been consistent for a few months. I mean, duh. Something was wrong with the water heater. It is eight years old so it was on its last legs, right? Right. You’d think he would know that. Nope. So this morning I …

Home now.

Mom is… okay. She is also home and sleeping now. I don’t know. I just feel fried. I was so worried. Her CT scan and labs came back normal and her blood pressure went down some so they let us go home. I was kind of super freaking out when she asked me where she …

So scared!

My mom’s blood pressure is really high, and it was while she was napping, so we, (my stepdad and I), are taking her to the emergency room. I’m so worried about her. It scares me every time we have to do this. I can’t lose my mom. Anyway, that’s my afternoon. If you could spare …

Home.

I’m out of the hospital, finally. I still feel kind of terrible if I’m honest. I am so thirsty and I can’t seem to make the pain in my side calm down. I was on iv fluids until this morning, so now that I’m responsible for hydrating myself, I’m not doing quite as good of …

As good as it gets?

I had a friend ask me, “what if this is as good as your life gets?” I had a visceral reaction to that question. I got really upset. I want more from my life than the quasi-survival existence I have now. Maybe that is selfish. I don’t know. It could be unrealistic as well. I …

I’m not digging today

I woke up with the aforementioned sore throat, panicked about it, and then went back to sleep. I got woken up at 2pm by a friend of mine who was mad because I didn’t include them in plans for my day today. Honestly, I don’t have plans for today. My stepdad is making dinner and …

More adventures in the ER…

Not me this time! My mom was in the emergency room again last night due to her blood pressure. I think they have sort of figured it out, but it was ridiculous. They tried to treat her headache as well and gave her the typical “migraine cocktail” at this particular hospital which includes an anti …