I don’t know…

…why I can’t sleep. I fell asleep around ten last night and woke up at 2:30 this morning. I haven’t been able to manage to fall back asleep, and it’s kind of too late now. Whatever. I think anxiety is playing a large part in what’s going on. My brain just can’t relax. It’s kind …

I’m unclear…

…as to what my purpose is. Not in an, “I don’t belong here anymore” kind of way, just in an “existential crisis” kind of way. I honestly have no idea what God or the universe has planned for me. It’s getting old. I’m getting old. For real. I have friends that have grandkids. I don’t …

Day 2986

I seriously cannot tell you how discouraging it is to still be throwing up after being out of the hospital for four days. I can’t even hold water down this morning. It’s really annoying. I don’t want to go back to the hospital, so I’m just staying put. I decided that I need to go …

Home.

I’m out of the hospital, finally. I still feel kind of terrible if I’m honest. I am so thirsty and I can’t seem to make the pain in my side calm down. I was on iv fluids until this morning, so now that I’m responsible for hydrating myself, I’m not doing quite as good of …

It’s official…

…I hate everything. I am sick. I’m tired of being in the hospital. I keep throwing up and being in pain. I am uncomfortable and angry and lonely. I am sad. I am tired. I just ate too much food trying to get the doctor off my back so he wouldn’t order a feeding tube. …

Thank goodness…

…I slept last night! I was so worried that I wouldn’t because I didn’t sleep the night before at all. It’s not like me to go without sleep, even when I’m manic, so I was concerned. I do not have time for a manic episode right now, (who does?) so I was so grateful to …

Is it or isn’t it?

I’m trying to decide if this pain in my side is just me being ridiculous, or if it’s my pancreas acting up again. I hate this. I literally live in fear of my own body. Thankfully, my pancreatic specialist put in a standing order for a lab so I can get that enzyme checked when …

Oh for goodness sake

It’s 2 am and I am awake. I fell asleep around 9, so I’m not sure what the problem is with my brain. I need sleep. I want to go to church in the morning, but I mean, I can’t go if I am snoring in my chair. This thing? This thing where I wake …

No sleep? No problem!

Guess what? Guess where I was last night? You’ll never get it… That’s right! I was in the emergency room! This time however, I had just gotten to sleep at about 2:30 AM when my mom texted me from her room to tell me that she and my stepdad needed help. Her blood pressure was …

Insomnia!!!!!

I am awake due to unforeseen circumstances. I had to take that two hour nap this afternoon. If you read my earlier post then you know I was having a crap day. I didn’t feel well and was just having a breakdown kind of day. Anyway, nap helped that but it is also keeping me …