Feeling introspective

I don’t know why I’m so nostalgic for my 20’s lately. I mean, I screwed a lot of stuff up then. I was intoxicated through a lot of them and even briefly experimented with scarier things, so I mean… I was probably lucky just to come out alive. The thing is, I don’t remember being … Continue reading Feeling introspective

Experiments with jello!

I tried to eat solid food for the first time since Wednesday morning. Oops!!!!! This particular experiment failed. I just cannot tolerate them as of yet. It’s going to be a problem down the road. I’m seriously frustrated with the word “diabetes” that keeps getting tossed around. Apparently, every time my pancreas acts up it … Continue reading Experiments with jello!

Self sabotage…

…is kind of what I’ve been engaged in. I have this fear of success. I mean don’t get me wrong, I also have an absolutely terrible fear of failure, but I’ve been there before. It’s “comfy.” I haven’t had a ton of success as of late. I am afraid of what happens when/if things work … Continue reading Self sabotage…

Oh my goodness…

Holy crap. I went digging in old posts today. I’ve never done that before. I cannot believe that my providers put up with me. I feel embarrassed and ashamed mostly knowing what I put them through, but I am also incredibly grateful for the ones who stuck by me. I had to stop after a … Continue reading Oh my goodness…

Fear of rejection

I am so worried about this volunteer interview. Honestly. I am literally afraid that this place will decide I’m not a good fit for me doing covid checks at their front door. Sigh. I am a friendly person. I’m nice to people. This shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t know why I’m so freaked out. … Continue reading Fear of rejection

Books on tape

Thank God I remembered I had a couple audiobooks on my phone. I couldn’t shut my brain off last night for anything and it was getting really late, and I knew I’d wake up around now (6:30 am), because I always do. I was getting frustrated and desperate. I finally remembered a suggestion someone made … Continue reading Books on tape

Good and Bad

Today was everything. It was amazing and fun and I really enjoyed it, and it was terrible and sad and scary and I cried way too much. The terrible crying part didn’t ruin the day, though. It was just part of it. I think heartbreak and sadness are a natural part of life, and people … Continue reading Good and Bad