Need to find my motivation…

My motivation seems to be about as lacking as the rain has been over the past couple weeks. I guess part of it is that I don’t feel 100% and also that it is, as I’ve said, so darn hot. Just sizzling out there. It just sucks my energy dry as soon as I step …

Giving up fear…

Choosing to clean may look like an weird way to express giving up fear, but hear me out. My bedroom has been a disaster area for a year. At least. For that year, I have been in and out of the hospital more times than I can count with pancreatitis. It’s gotten so bad that …

Today is better

It may be gloomy outside, but I’m in a far better place. I’m in much less pain today, thank goodness. The doctor at the er might have been kind of a jerk to start with, but he helped to break through the wall of pain that I had and I am grateful. I feel much …

Done for today

I am toast. I met with my dietican and she was amazing per usual. She helped me come up with a plan for eating when I just can’t deal. I needed that. I’m just worn out. I think I’m depressed. I really think I need a solitary vacay. I don’t know when I’m going to …

Laundry and cleaning and appointments, oh my!

I’m doing laundry today, but I realized I don’t really have a plan for where these clothes are going once they are clean. I can’t get to my closet or dressers really since my room is such a mess, and I really need to sort out my clothes again. So… yeah. Fun times. Clearly, I …

Realized I failed my therapy homework

I was supposed to be “checking in” with myself five times a day since I saw my therapist on Friday. Oops. Haven’t been doing that. Why? Honestly, because it’s so much easier, (and safer feeling), to ignore how I’m feeling, toss on the mask and just be. I had alarms set. I did. I ignored …

Still awake…

…and I’m not loving it. I am trying to shut my stupid brain off. It’s going in dark circles. Also, for some reason it thinks I need to be up creating art for some reason. I don’t have a clear idea on what I want to create, so I haven’t gone into the other room …

Maybe I’ll just sleep today

I’m having sort of a rough day. I guess it’s just fall out from being in the hospital for so long. I don’t know. My bedroom is a pit and I don’t have the energy to do anything about it right now. I did finally manage to get my psych meds refilled, (I wasn’t out …

Waiting at the salon…

I had to wait at the salon for my friend who does my hair. She had some issues with her kid which is totally understandable so I was happy to wait. I got my hair trimmed and it’s a little shorter than I thought it would be, but still very long. I am happy with …

19 hours

I slept for 19 hours and I still feel kinda gross. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I went and got my labs done Thursday and they were back to normal so it isn’t that. I just feel… worn down and my stomach feels topsy turvy. Just upside down. I’m not a fan. I …