Crash and burn

What goes up, must come down. My fun hypomanic episode has come to an end. It had to of course, but I’m seriously bummed. I hate depression. The hopelessness and the feeling that it’s never going to end, even though I know realistically that it will. I’m just tired of the ride. People say that … Continue reading Crash and burn

Beep beep! Sold my car!

My green little go getter is gone. I did love this little car, but it started to make me nervous. I was anxious driving it on the highway and I didn’t want to take it long distances. It certainly wasn’t going to be something I could count on for the next several years. Still, I … Continue reading Beep beep! Sold my car!

Day 134

I'm finally free of the hospital. Unfortunately, I'm not really free of the pain. I guess I am just living with it, at least for a while. As anyone can imagine, my stability has taken a hit. I'm struggling. My therapist is essentially out for the month, so that's super helpful. My financial aid for … Continue reading Day 134

Shrug

I've had better days, but I did score a victory today so far. I've been very uncomfortable and kind of upset about where my mood is and and what to do about it. I have a pretty solid tendency to pathologize my mood states and say, "oh no! This is going to be the start … Continue reading Shrug

Clothes

I have an issue holding onto things. It's not exactly hoarding in the way the media portrays it. I do form an emotional attachment to objects because I feel like they hold memories.  I do this especially with clothing, things I pick up on vacations, and things from my childhood.  It was a huge victory … Continue reading Clothes

Change

I stole this image off someone's fb status. Clearly naughty of me. I know. I usually try to use the "public use" images off of google images but I'm pretty sure this watermarked from scholastic so credit goes to them.  When I saw this, it struck a chord in me. I have written a lot … Continue reading Change

Doldrums

This is a great book. The main character, Milo, goes off on an adventure and reaches this area called "The Doldrums" where he meets people known as the Lethargians who don't think or laugh. It's supposed to be a place where people who daydream too much get stuck. Our hero figures out he has to … Continue reading Doldrums

Wheel

I'm noticing this hamster wheel of emotions/symptoms that I can't seem to get off of.  It's one of depression/anxiety/paranoia/anxiety/depression repeat. There are physical symptoms that go along with those and I can sometimes prevent them from becoming deep and terrifying if I pay attention to the cues my body is giving off early enough. If … Continue reading Wheel

Emotions 

Vs. reality. I try very hard not to judge my emotions. I don't think there is value in judging something that I feel. It just is what it is. I have a feeling, sometimes based on an event, sometimes based on the misfiring of neurotransmitters in my brain, and sometimes based on the unholy alliance … Continue reading Emotions 

Calmer

...for this moment. I'm fairly certain that it's going to fluctuate for a while. Anxiety is not my friend. I just really don't want it to trigger some kind of mood episode considering I'm just sort of finding my sea legs from the last one (despite what recent hospitalization may make it look like). Praying … Continue reading Calmer