My girl Debby was found passed away in her apartment this week. I am so very sad. I haven’t seen her in a while because she lived two hours away, but for fifteen years she was a constant presence in my life. She had a heart of gold and helped out everyone. Addiction is a … Continue reading Debby

What I wouldn’t give…

…for an opportunity to smoke a cigarette right now. For real. I just really want to. I have been pretty good about not smoking. I vape, but I have been pretty good about cigarettes. I don’t know why I’m craving one so badly right now except for my mood state. Ugh. Stupid hypomania. Anyway. That’s … Continue reading What I wouldn’t give…

I did an oops

I hadn’t smoked a cigarette in like a year (I’ve just been vaping). My cousin is back, which is always my kryptonite, and I immediately bum off her and start smoking cigarettes. Let me tell you, at the time, it was amazing. I am an addict and I love them. I woke up this morning … Continue reading I did an oops


I found a solution to my smoking drama. I got a vape! It’s a cheap little one, but no one can complain about the smell of smoke anymore. The best part is, my friend will let me use it inside her house so I don’t have to go outside and get eaten by bugs either! … Continue reading Solution!


I’m a smoking refugee. There’s nowhere to smoke anymore. That’s probably a good thing for public health, but for my addiction, it suuuuucks. I really wanted a cigarette this morning, and my friend has this lady in her neighborhood who is literally a block away and still shrieks if she can smell it. Now, the … Continue reading Refugee.


Okay so I've been sick and dealing with breathtaking pain for a month. The pain has finally subsided to a place where I can work my way off the painkillers. What a joy that is. I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate the foggy feeling from them. I'm happy to be coming off of … Continue reading Hell.

Day 115

I have been taking it easy and trying to stay away from the news. People are dumb and I am tired of it. I am still dealing with whatever is causing my pain, and so I'm uncomfortable for the moment. I slept most of the morning and part of the afternoon. I will probably go … Continue reading Day 115

Day 101

Well, I didn't really sleep very well again. It took me forever to fall asleep last night and I woke up super early again, (I've been doing that for a couple of weeks). I suspect that my limited sleep in the last couple of days has to do with my nicotine replacement, but if I … Continue reading Day 101