Uncertain

I have to be honest. I talk a good game, but I have no idea if I'm ready to go back to work. The closer the reality of that gets, the more I'm like... nah. I can't do that. I'm not really worried about school. Maybe because it's far enough away. Work though... woah. I … Continue reading Uncertain

Leaves!

It's fall and there are leaves everywhere! I saw a meme about how trees drop their leaves and go through cycles of rebirth and so do we and I thought it was poetic. My case manager has me set for graduation from case management sometime in the spring and I hope I'm ready. I'm really … Continue reading Leaves!

Clear

So my CT was clear. That's a good thing. The only frustrating thing is that I don't have a clear reason as to why I'm in so much pain. Right now I just look like I'm making it up. Awesome. I'm not, and it's not in my head. I've had pain intermittently in the same … Continue reading Clear

Wrong…

Okay guys. I don't even care what this CT scan says today. Something is wrong. I am in so much pain. Driving my car SUCKS. Being wadded into a ball in the driver's seat is miserable. I am nauseous from the pain and pretty soon I have to drink that terrible contrast stuff and try … Continue reading Wrong…

Garbage

As you may know, I've been working on this application essay for graduate school. So far it's kind of garbage. There are really strict parameters for the essay and I'm struggling to write anything with "sparkle" within those parameters. I don't really know how to address the huge gap in my resume, or the recent … Continue reading Garbage

Paradox

I am beyond tired. I am also having an impossible time falling asleep. I think I'm anxious about therapy tomorrow. I don't know why. I like her. I don't know what my problem is. I mean, maybe it's because I feel woefully unprepared. I haven't worked in the workbook we stared working on for a … Continue reading Paradox

Jagged

I had heard some buzz that there was going to be a "Jagged Little Pill" musical, but I didn't know it was so close to being a thing! I'm so excited! I mean, in fairness, it's not like I'm going to New York anytime soon to go see it, but I figure eventually it will … Continue reading Jagged

Knowing

I saw my primary care today and he doesn't know what's making me sick either. He said my lab tests are showing some inflammation and he ordered a ct scan so maybe that will show something. Meanwhile, I guess maybe being sick explains some of my depression issues as of late. I usually struggle with … Continue reading Knowing

Exhausted

I am so tired. I don't know what's wrong with me. Neither does the ER. Actually, they said it's gastritis, but I'm almost 100% certain that's because they couldn't figure out what it is. I have wicked pain in my upper side that is super annoying. And then there is the flat out exhaustion. They … Continue reading Exhausted

Boo

It's Halloween here in the States, which means that kids all over will soon be knocking on doors looking for treats. I am not in the holiday spirit this year. Usually I paint a pumpkin and pass out allergen-free treats, but I just didn't get it together this year. I was going to pass out … Continue reading Boo