I’m unclear…

…as to what my purpose is.

Not in an, “I don’t belong here anymore” kind of way, just in an “existential crisis” kind of way.

I honestly have no idea what God or the universe has planned for me.

It’s getting old. I’m getting old.

For real. I have friends that have grandkids.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing, but it seems like I should already be doing it.

I am so overwhelmed by the thought of going back to school that it makes me want to puke. I seriously don’t know if I can do that.

Really.

I mean, the two degrees I have are essentially useless so I have to go back for something I guess, but the debt and the time and the energy and the not knowing if I will be stable or healthy enough are huge problems for me.

I don’t know.

Plus, what do I want to do? Anything I’d kinda want to do is, at minimum, three more years of school and likely six.

Ugh.

I don’t know.

I just want to be able to support myself.

I don’t know that I can though.

I am so scared.

I feel… ruined… in a lot of ways. I don’t know how to describe it. Just broken.

Whatever.

I’m so scared of my future. Scared I won’t make it. Scared of being a statistic. I’m perfectly safe and comfortable today, but what happens when my parents aren’t here?

Just terrified.

Trying to convince myself to just go to sleep and stop worrying about all of the things I’m worried about, but sleep is harder and harder to make happen.

Sigh.

Image from Pexels.

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