Going to this prayer thing…

…and I have no idea what to expect.

I’m going because a friend from my church asked me to go, but it’s at a different church than I attend.

That already creates a problem for me as my anxiety is through the roof today.

It’s allegedly some kind of “personal prayer session for healing.” Whatever that means.

I suspect someone is going to lay hands on me and pray for me. Super. I won’t crack like a China doll and bawl my eyes out at all.

I’ve been having trouble with the deepest parts of my faith lately, so this is a challenge for me. I have been studying my Bible and trying to figure out where God is in my life, but it appears as though he is absent at the moment.

Now…. Intellectually I know that’s not true. It doesn’t change what it feels like though.

It’s just hard for me to get to that place right now.

My dietican is a Christian and she asked if she could pray for me last week and I said yes, and then I sobbed through the whole thing. I made her feel bad.

I just… don’t feel that presence in my life right now and I’ve been seeking Him in many places.

That’s why, tonight, even with no sleep, I’m going to this prayer thing. Against the demands of my anxious brain. I want to see if there is something there.

Ah well. We’ll see.

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