I met with my therapist today and I am not sure how it went.
I talked to her about how things were better since the last med adjustment and how I was able to set a boundary with my friend. We both agreed that those were positives.
We also talked about the holidays and how I had gotten through them pretty well. We talked about how I was managing expectations with my Dad coming up tomorrow, even though I am excited, and how I know it’s going to be super busy while he’s here.
I brought up my future again and how I was really worried about it. We discussed me taking a class or two this semester at the community college. I’m on the fence about it. It sort of seemed like a good idea this afternoon, but honestly when I got home and saw my APA style guide I almost threw up.
I just don’t know that I have more school in me. I don’t know what I can do besides go back, but it’s a long time to do what I want to do, and I don’t know that I can even get in anywhere with the stupid “F” on my transcript from the last time I tried. I think I can explain that since my high school friend died and my closest friend almost did all at the same time during that semester, but still. It looks terrible. I normally am an “A” student.
I just am scared.
I also don’t really want to put the effort in into this and then find out I can’t work. That would be terrible.
Just anxious. I am not interested in failure at that level.
I really need to pray about it.
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