Kinda feeling nervous

I met with my therapist today and I am not sure how it went.

I talked to her about how things were better since the last med adjustment and how I was able to set a boundary with my friend. We both agreed that those were positives.

We also talked about the holidays and how I had gotten through them pretty well. We talked about how I was managing expectations with my Dad coming up tomorrow, even though I am excited, and how I know it’s going to be super busy while he’s here.

I brought up my future again and how I was really worried about it. We discussed me taking a class or two this semester at the community college. I’m on the fence about it. It sort of seemed like a good idea this afternoon, but honestly when I got home and saw my APA style guide I almost threw up.

I just don’t know that I have more school in me. I don’t know what I can do besides go back, but it’s a long time to do what I want to do, and I don’t know that I can even get in anywhere with the stupid “F” on my transcript from the last time I tried. I think I can explain that since my high school friend died and my closest friend almost did all at the same time during that semester, but still. It looks terrible. I normally am an “A” student.

Ugh.

So yeah.

I just am scared.

I also don’t really want to put the effort in into this and then find out I can’t work. That would be terrible.

Who knows?

Just anxious. I am not interested in failure at that level.

I really need to pray about it.

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4 thoughts on “Kinda feeling nervous

  1. Every day is a learning experience in whatever we choose to do, it makes us very experienced in many different areas, and that makes us wise to many things. An “F” on the transcript becomes an “A” in the heart of a wise person. I may not ever be a success in this world, but I’ve wised up to how the world works. Now, back to reading the Bible…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had an exceptionally bad summer semester once upon a time. I was seriously spiralling down. I was able to get a letter from my doctor and have the courses removed from my record. It might be an option.

    I’m sorry you’re feeling scared. Living with fear is hard. 💝

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know if this school will do that. They are a small private Christian school without a lot of accommodations or things in place to assist students. I should look into that though. It was a year ago last fall, but I still have the same psych and therapist so…

      I am feeling a little better today. I am still anxious, but a little more optimistic.

      I think school is just really intimidating for me. I have had some rough experiences and a lot of “failed attempts” at grad school, (albeit most of the time w great grades). I just didn’t finish programs.

      I am wary of starting another one and taking on more debt.

      Liked by 1 person

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