It’s a day like any other I guess. The only real difference is I’m laying here crying and afraid.
I don’t know what I’m going to do about this pancreatitis thing.
I literally can’t eat without being in pain and sometimes being in pain so bad that I just can’t take it.
I managed to get down a can of vegetarian vegetable soup and a banana last night after not eating all day.
So far today, (it’s noon), I’ve eaten two bananas.
I am completely afraid to eat. It’s not even like when my eating disorder is active, although I’m also terrified ED is gonna get in my way here as well.
I don’t know.
I just feel paralyzed with fear.
The pain is so much when it comes.
My mood is absolute crap. I am just playing out my future here and it doesn’t look so great.
I’m trying to be mindful and take it one moment at a time, but it’s really hard to do that.
I called my psych and begged for an earlier appointment because my next one isn’t until the end of January. I have to wait to hear back.
It’s just a mess. At least my dietician is getting me in Wednesday.